Font - Day 1

I just love France and the French - the women tend to be sexy and chic, they produce some great cheese that upsets everyone in the office when I eat it for dinner, they drive like bloody maniacs in their battered little French cars and last but not least it contains Font!

Just in case you missed the point I was trying to make there I went to Font for the first time to celebrate my 40th year of not dying and it was bloody awesome.

Day 1 consisted of getting to Font on my own which was a somewhat daunting task it has to be said. I left my brothers house in Nottingham at the optimum time to catch not only the early morning lunacy around that fair city but also the full on rush hour lunacy somewhere around Luton. The standard of driving was at its usual best but with time on my side I just sat out the worst of it and proceeded down to the ferry with time in hand. Nice easy ferry journey and then a brief while to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road and hit the A1 to Paris until I saw the first sign for Bordeaux which marked my turn off point at which point which it all went mental.

Important life lesson number 1 - do not plan to be anywhere near Paris at the time of rush hour. It was hideously intense to say the least - there I was sat behind the wheel trying to focus on what was happening all around me, trying to figure out where the next junction was and reacting to the onslaught of battered French cars complete with their chain smoking drivers appearing from all directions at high speed. As this is France though it is simply not enough, you have to add in the motorcyclists who, judging by my observations, are either built of some indestructible material or are completely and utterly bonkers such is their disregard for any notion of road safety. To top off this experiment in mental stress I had Sloper's (from here on known as le grand ventre) shat nav to "advise" me on my route. It should come as very little surprise that it took after its owner: years out of date, cantankerous and bloody annoying after a while would sum it up nicely.

So how did I manage to negotiate the torturous drive across the North of Paris without getting at least one dint in the van? My theory is that it was down to opening the windows, cranking up the stereo and playing some French free jazz that was even more mental that the occupants of the little tin cans and motorbikes that surrounded me. There was no driver skill involved at all of that I am quite sure.

Having survived the drive round Paris and despite the "assistance" of the shat nav which was hopelessly predicting roundabouts and left hand turns where none existed I somehow arrived in Font. With a great sense of relief I parked up at the station to wait for the arrival of le grand ventre, something he duly managed with his usual lack of sartorial elegance. From there it was a quick drive down the road to dump the van off at the camp site and then a long walk back into Font to have a few beers and chill out.

It had been a long day but I had arrived...

The Big Bang Theory

Four plus hours after being subjected to an episode of the terminal shite that is "The Big Bang Theory" and the obligatory trip to The Sheaf I finally feel calm enough to rant on about it. I wish I was as erudite as Nik at Work when it comes to dissecting such things but I am a simple man so therefore all I will say is:

JUST FUCK OFF WITH YOUR "FRIENDS WITH SCIENCE SHITE" BASTARD TV PROGRAM! FRIENDS WAS NEVER FUNNY AND ADDING SCIENCE TO AN ALREADY SHIT IDEA DOES NOT MAKE IT FUNNY SO PLEASE JUST FUCK OFF MY FUCKING TV YOU TALENTLESS FUCKING BASTARDS!

And on that note I shall retire to my comfy chair and read the Daily Mail which will tell me that the reason we no longer have lots of songbirds is because the immigrants are eating them.

Good day, bad day!

Been down to Camp Butters a couple of times this week - had a good session all round on Monday and walked away pleased with myself. Tried to work the top and middle tier problems and made some sort of progress but the general steepness and some seriously ragged skin did me in towards the end of it.

Today was the opposite - I got on the hardest Font 5 in the world to warm up and got shut down with a vengeance. It was like the first time all over again - no power, no footwork and just bloody awful really. Sat back on the mat and to be honest I was just puzzled - I have this bloody thing reasonably wired now so where had all the progress that I had made in the previous weeks gone? Decided that I wasn't going to let it get to me and had another go with slightly better results but things were not looking good so had a radical rethink and just concentrated on doing the middle section (which is the crux for me) as smoothly as possible. Eventually called it a day about three hours later - skin was shot again which is starting to become an issue but at least I had done something instead of walking away in a fit of pique. Next time I get on it there is hope that the end section will be that much easier as a result of the work that was put in today.

Also got a bit of beta on the middle tier problem which seems feasible - it certainly looked easier than the way I was trying it on Monday so that is something else to look forward to.

Camp Butters

Been down to Camp Butters (formerly known as Rubicon) for the last couple of days. The hardest Font 5 in the world is getting easier and while it is still nowhere near a certainty every time I did manage to chalk up half way through it. A minor success as linking into other stuff still seemed a long way away but I felt tired yesterday so not that disappointed about that. Also had a play on Dragonflight Traverse - the moves don't feel that bad but the pain in my feet was excruciating - hopefully this is down to the shoes needing to break in a bit more.

Back again today and warmed up, did the 6a+, some variation going direct to the penultimate sidepull of the former problem and then played about on the Three Tier Traverses to the right. I had thought that these were all 6b but a quick look at the Peak District Bouldering website soon knocked that idea on the head - from the top 5+, 6a and 6b+. At least that would explain why the lowest one feels monumentally hard and the two above not quite so bad. Finished off with a couple of attempts at Miller's Dale - going again to the crimp with the left not a great idea when your skin is trashed - it hurts - a lot!

Unlocking the sequence

Decided to take a look at Carls Wark at Stoney yesterday. There was few reasons behind this, the first being that it was somewhere that I hadn't been before, the second was that it had easier problems to attempt. The final (and probably most compelling reason) was that I couldn't be arsed to drive to Rubicon with the intention of not going anywhere near A Millers Tale, ultimately failing to do so and end up having a rubbish session on it due to the exertions of the day before.

Given all the above I set off mid afternoon to go and locate the crag which for me proved a lot easier than the descent to it which was interesting to say the least. Once there I had a quick look at the left hand wall and decided that the 6a was a bit much for some lonesome bouldering action given it's highball rating and so attention was turned to the more amenable right wall instead. It was baking in the sun so an hour was whiled away with short bouts of brushing a few holds and forming some ideas regarding sequences and longer bouts of general idleness until the sun disappeared behind the trees. There are worse ways to lose an hour of your life I think.

It was action time - the 6a looked deceptively simple - left hand on the sidepull, right hand in the break, right foot low, cross through to an obvious foothold with the left and mantle up to the flake\sidepull with the left hand at which point it would all be over. All in all it looked far too easy for the given grade and seemed that way as my initial sequence resulting in me flowing upwards until I reached up for the flake\sidepull only to be stopped a couple of inches short and after a couple of attempts at something different dropping back to earth. OK it is probably not 6a for the tall then... Thought about it some more and then tried a higher left foot - no discernible difference to the amount of height gained so try some different handholds - same again. Tried a few more various combinations all of which resulted in tickling the very bottom of the sidepull and no more - things weren't going quite as imagined while I sat and looked upwards at the holds in the bright sunshine.

Deciding that I needed time away from this particular problem I then flashed the 4 in very bad style, again seemingly obvious moves proved to be otherwise in reality but a snatched fingerlock got it done first time. Tried a few more different ways of doing it and finally hit on one which made the grade seem feasible but more importantly that I felt did the problem justice in terms of style and movement.

From there it was a quick step right and onto the 6a+ which was similar to the 6a but the move upwards was to a slopey two finger dish for the left hand. I actually reached the dish once and kind of held it for a brief second before finding myself back on the mat with some sore fingers after they ripped out without warning. Experimented some more with foot positions without success and then back to the 6a for a final few goes which stubbornly refused to bow to my theory that I could reach the sidepull and use it.

With that a retreat was beaten back to the van and home where a few hours later while watching The Matrix (an entirely unrelated point) the one thing I hadn't tried crashed into my conscience - turning the right hand into an undercut. As far as unlocking the sequence goes it was a bit belated but if it works I take it. Hopefully it will make the 6a problem feel more stable and provide the necessary couple of extra inches of reach and there is a chance that it could work on the 6a+ as well.

Rubicon 3, Butters 1

With the aid of the new shoes I finally got the warm up traverse done today - the difference a pair of climbing shoes makes over a pair of Turkish slippers is amazing. Got through to the usual point where I would be so pumped that I would just fall off with something left in the tank and grabbing a quick half rest before proceeding to the end of the hardest Font 5 in the world. Now I have finally done it the plan is to to get it a bit more wired and then there are a few options - reverse the problem, backtrack into the 6a+ or carry on through one of the three obvious lines that carry on from there. The possibilities while not being endless are many.

Then spent a while belaying the Broken Beagle on Salar which I gather is quite hard to judge by the commentary and probably used up his quota of expletives for the week in the progress. Once Broken Beagle had got the draws in and lowered off we then spent time going backwards and forwards between our main events.

For me it was the second proper session on A Millers Tale (I am discounting the last session as that was more getting the sit start wired) which made short work of my theory that it was going to go in two sessions from a stander. Am I disappointed? Not a chance - I now have the bottom section wired pretty much to the point where the moves up to the go again with the left hand is better than 50\50 every time now so progress can be measured in real terms.

Will it go in three sessions? Possibly but I am refusing to put a deadline on it now - I am just going to enjoy the problem for what it is - bloody hard but really enjoyable at the same time.

New Shoes II

Out last night with Lord Sloper of Grindleford for a few beers followed by a few more beers and then to the curry house. A good night apart from handing over far too much money in forfeit for my lack of skill at Backgammon. Quite why I was playing for money is debatable as I could count the number of games of Backgammon I had played prior to last night on two hands probably so I got what I deserved to be honest.

Anyway after depositing the Sloper back in Grindleford where he could lord it over the proles once more it was off to Outside to change the too small Dragons. Luck was with me as they had a new delivery of Anasazi V2's in and so it was a choice between a half size bigger pair of Dragons or the V2's - choices, choices, choices. After much debate I went for the V2's - they just felt better overall on my random feet and while the heel of the Dragons was by far the better of the two they were also promising a world of pain in my toes until they broke in. OK the heels on the V2's are not the greatest - there is a fair bit of dead space in them and they are going to be pretty uncomfortable while they break in but the day any climbing shoe manufacturer (let alone Five Ten) produce a shoe that actually fits my heels will be a cold day in hell I suspect.