The Blog of Butters

Team Slovenia - Day 10

2011-04-11T19:21:00.009+01:00

With Jakob going on the Saturday night Team Slovenia wasn't really a team any more but following the CWIF after-party arrangements had been made to bring the team back up to full strength. To replace Jakob in came Klemen Becan and honorary Slovenian (for two days) Nalle Hukkataival - Team Slovenia hadn't just been brought back up to strength - it had got a whole lot stronger with three climbers who had done at least Font 8a on board now! Thankfully yours truly was aboard and somewhat hungover to boot to keep things in the realms of respectability for a while at least.

Once Team Slovenia had been fuelled with Red Bull and the like it was off to Stanage for another day of crushing - first up was that perennial favourite Deliverance which was quickly dispatched by all concerned.

While we were there we were joined there by Ned Feehally, Nick from Outcrop Films and a few others just to add a bit more crush to the team and the send train on Deliverance continued. As is usual there was a fair bit of banter going round and eventually the (possibly mythological) story of the basketball player sending Deliverance came up. This naturally descended into a plan of sorts and a runway of mats was set up and off they went. One by one the problem went down until there was just one guy (whose name I forget) left. Again and again he tried but kept falling short so to help him up the problem an Oreo biscuit was placed on top to that extra bit of motivation.

It worked.

From there it was over to Brass Monkeys - Jernej proved that winning the CWIF hadn't been too much of a strain by doing the honours yet again with the usual flash of the problem. Nalle and Klemen both gave it a good go but ultimately got shut down on that so it was off to try Help the Young SS instead.

It has to be said that trying Help the Young SS probably wasn't the best idea of the day as it was catching the sun on one side on what was already proving to be a warm day and while the standing start may have been done by one or two of the team the SS eluded everyone and after a while of futility it was sacked off for other things instead.

For Jernej that involved a very quick introduction to trad climbing. He had been wanting to get on Unfamiliar (E7 6c) but thought it best to try a couple of routes first and so we sat at the bottom of Millsom's Minion (E1 5b) while I explained as best I could what everything was and how to use it. Suitably (or not as the case may be) educated in the intricacies of placing random pieces of metal he shot off up the route and made it look easy whereas I (who had actually seconded this route cleanly years ago) failed to get past the crux in a display of such ineptitude that words fail me. It also means that there is clearly a lot of work to do with getting back into some sort of non-bouldering mental state if I am to get back on a bit of string again this year.

We then went and had a look at The Unfamiliar (well Jernej did) but a lack of a static rope and also something meaningful to attach it to on top of the route without a load of frigging about meant that setting up a top rope wasn't going to be easy. After a bit of thinking about it we decided that it really wasn't that much of an option and added it to the ever growing list of things to do next time and went to see what the rest of the squad were up to.

Walking down the crag we found them below Ulysses where a huge pile of mats had been placed so that it became a problem of highball (yeah right) proportions. I took the sensible approach and got out the camera instead - a far better proposition I thought.

As far as I can remember Klemen sent it, Ned sent it and Jernej flashed it with his usual calm style and weird flat foot smearing style.

Once that had been done by the majority then attention was turned to White Wand instead and the send train got rolling with a vengence - Ned flashed it followed by Jernej followed by Klemen.followed by at least one other who decided that he was going to do the whole route which led to some very tense minutes for the onlookers (and I guess him as well) high up while he figured out the rest of the route.

Finally it was time for the team to get on Careless Torque - Ron Fawcett's classic line on the Not to Be Taken Away block. Ned got it sent again, Nalle and Jernej both got sent packing by it and Klemen...

Careless Torque Trailer from Outcrop Films on Vimeo.

Team Slovenia - Day 8 & 9 - CWIF

2011-04-04T16:13:00.003+01:00

I had a day of doing other things for the qualifying round of the CWIF but in a nutshell Jernej thought he had done enough to qualify. Jakob knew he hadn't as he didn't do all the problems but as he was leaving in the early hours of Sunday morning anyway whether Jakob did qualify or not wasn't that important.

Before he went though I introduced both of them to the finest pub that is within 10 minutes of my house - The Sheaf - which they were both very impressed with. Whether it was the quality of the barmaids, the beer or just the fact that it an awesome pub that impressed them so I couldn't quite figure out. Me I was impressed by all three elements naturally.

Sunday dawned and having checked the qualifying results I drove Jernej to the Climbingworks so that he had plenty of time to get warmed up prior to isolation. On the way down we had the stereo cranked up loud (with extra servings of Sub and Bass) to the sounds of Tuomas Rantanen to provide some extra SYKE before heading back and dropping the van off back at the house ready to walk down later. Simple reason for this was that Graeme A had promised me a couple of beers for going to the trouble of putting up Team Slovenia and I was going to cash in on that for sure - not for the trouble that Team Slovenia had caused me (which was none) but because the only thing better than a beer is a free beer!

The semis seemed to be going OK but Jernej really struggled on Problem Three - a very technical balancy affair to say the least but he made the bonus hold on his last go but got timed out before topping the problem out by 1-2 seconds which meant that he had finished sixth. He was gutted to say the least as if he had done problem number three in the time then he would have been through for sure. I commiserated with him and then he went off before coming back within five minutes to tell me that he had made the final after all as the top six go through to the final in the CWIF and not the top five as is usual on the World Cup comps. From the depths of despair to the heights of ecstasy would be a good way of describing how he felt and he said that he was going to win it now that he was in the final.

The final was a stellar line-up to say the least featuring Dave Barrans, Tyler Landman, Ned Feehally, Nigel Callendar, Stewart Watson and of course Jernej. Since he had qualified sixth then he was first up on Problem One which he duly made look easy by flashing it. I put it down as an "easy" warm-up to get the crowd going a bit but at the rest of the field came through and none of them could touch it then I started to get the feeling that Jernej's confidence after the semis was not misplaced but that this could really be on. Problem Two saw four of the finalists top it out (Jernej got it second go) to close the field up a bit but Problem Number Three was a real tester. Again Jernej was up first and his sequence looked completely wrong to me but it was subsequently proven to be correct when the other competitors used a similar method and Dave Barrans topped it out. Lastly it was on to Problem Number Four and all Jernej had to do to take the CWIF was to top it out. I was pretty damn SYKED by this stage and after having a look at it from the sidelines I turned to one of the guys I knew and said that it was in the bag as it was so similar to a problem that he had put up in Slovenia.

Did he do it? Of course he did - he fucking destroyed it!

CWIF Winners 2011 from UKClimbing.com TV on Vimeo.

We partied hard after that I can tell you!

Team Slovenia - Day 7

2011-03-31T18:40:00.005+01:00

The weather around Sheffield was looking a bit patchy and so I took a gamble on Robin Hoods Stride\Cratcliffe being in nick and following an unplanned detour after missing a junction we arrived at a dry but rather breezy crag. With large amounts of skin having been lost to Bentley's the day before and only one day till the CWIF qualifications Jernej took a day off from climbing and the grit sighed a huge relief. Therefore the duty of continuing Team Slovenia's assault on the grit fell to Jakob instead though Bentley's hadn't left him in much better condition in the skin front to be honest but it was his last day and skin would grow again. Game on!

Warmed up at RHS on Angle Arête but watching me on this one would have thought that I had never been climbing before, let alone done the problem more than once but after four or five rubbish attempts I got it sent. Things improved with The Spine (the opposing arête) getting done first go but the harder variation - Spine Left Hand - seemed absolutely desperate and while I could get established on the start from there it wasn't happening. The various twinges from my left shoulder meant that it wasn't too happy about things either so I decided to go for the tactical retreat and try something else.

Walking a bit further round RHS I decided to have a go at another of my projects, Sweet Arête which proved to be anything but really. I am going to have to rethink the tactics on this one and see if I can get a sneaky heel in for the left foot as the move off the ground to the higher "hold" on the arête is proving way too low percentage at the minute. As it is most times I slap up with the left hand and while I can hold it there occasionally there also seems to be a microscopic pebble that while stood on the ground is as good as invisible. When trying the problem though the pebble magically grows and I hit it with the tip of my middle finger nine times out of ten which bloody hurts when you are trying to stick the move - yet another reason to rethink the sequence I think. Team Slovenia then had a go at Sweet Thing and got completely shut down on it until a quick perusal of the guide book gave up the information that it had not been climbed since a hold was lost in way of explanation of why it was so hard.

With that we decided to stomp over the hill to Cratcliffe instead as I wanted to have a look at yet another project that I have been trying on and off for what is probably years - Egg Arête. I probably should have given up on arêtes by this stage as I had taken a bit of a battering on them during the afternoon but regardless I threw myself at the latest contender in a great show of effort and a distinct lack of skill. This approach ultimately ended up with yet another ignominious defeat to my name but as a reward of sorts I was left with a severely bruised left palm to go with the hole in my finger, something I was so happy that I threw a climbing shoe at the boulder in a fit of pique. Not my greatest moment maybe but I felt better.

Lastly it was the short walk over to T-Crack for Jakob - he really should have done it first go but he had every one of his tips taped up by this stage and when he got to the sloper over the roof he couldn't get enugh purchase to hold the move and so dropped off. While sat at the bottom of the problem removing the finger tape he looked at me and said "This is for Cratcliffe" and once he had removed it all he blitzd the problem with what seemed to be very little effort and a great deal of style before repeating it again for the camera.

Beast!

Team Slovenia - Day 6

2011-03-16T17:43:00.212Z

Day 6 dawned a bit grey and overcast but by the afternoon Sheffield was clear and sunny so it was off to Stanage. We arrived sometime after 1PM and headed up to the Not To Be Taken Away block to warm up - Jernej quickly doing NTBTA again while I headed off to try a few of the easier problems on the slabs to get into the groove. After a bit of sitting about in the sun I pulled on my shoes and did Back Cover on The Nameless Block again just in time to see Jernej topping out Big Air (E6 6b). He had committed to the jump across a couple of times on the Tuesday (the crux according to the BMC guide) and had obviously decided that leaping back again wasn't providing enough of a challenge any more. No mats or anything so it was definitely done "trad" style and as far as I am concerned onsight as well.

I congratulated him on that and did Shady Slab (with and without the starting block) before moving rightwards onto The Mental Block to try the problems there - again nice slab problems but that little bit harder and that little bit higher as well. I blew the start on the flash of Scoops Groove but got it second go and following some tenuous padding I got to the top feeling somewhat relieved and just in time to see Jernej halfway through an onsight solo of The Don (E4 5c). I spent the next few minutes enduring that strange sense of fear you get when watching someone on something a bit necky until he got to the top of the main arête when I went back to enjoying the sun instead. With the main part of the climbing over I provided a few instructions on where to go from there and when he returned I asked him what he thought of it to which his reply was something along the lines of "Didn't like it much as I had to mantle!" Nothing about it being hard, scary or the like, just that it had a mantle in it and from there conversation drifted onto Ulysses (E6 6b) which he was sorely tempted by but ultimately refused as it was only two days before the CWIF.

I wobbled up Scoops Slab which again featured some scary padding moves but kept at it as the guide said it gets easier as you gain height which is probably true but it didn't feel that way at the time and topped that out to Jakob having just sent his first confirmed Font 7c+ (Brad Pit no less). To say that he was pleased would have been an understatement - he was seriously made up by the fact and for good reason as it is a world class problem and not a bad one to move up the grade on either. He had been trying it on the Tuesday when conditions hadn't been as good and not had much success but with better conditions on the Thursday it went down first go!

Just to put this into some form of context I had just witnessed Big Air and The Don being soloed and Brad Pit being sent and we had only been at the crag for probably 90 minutes! It usually takes me that long to pull my shoes on...

Once things had calmed down a bit Team Slovenia then decided to get back on The Storm as it was out of the sun. Jernej was managing his skin so sacked it off early but Jakob was looking really good on it though quite how you can get this close to the final hold without doing the problem is beyond my ability to answer.

Perhaps the crag had decided to fight back as The Storm remained an elusive tick for Team Slovenia on that day as well and after it was off to The Pebble so that Jakob could have another look at Deliverance and Jernej could have a second attempt at the Joker.

The Joker quickly got sacked as it was in the sun and the holds were not working so it was down the hill to Deliverance. Jernej did it again with probably the highest foot placement I have ever seen used to do this and then it was up to Jakob. After a few attempts including one too short, one too high, one where he let go of the finishing hold in shock and with the added bonus of trashing the toe of his shoe on one of the pebbles it joined the list of problems dispatched. No such luck on my personal nemesis - Pebble Arête - I bailed after one half hearted attempt as I was just wasn't feeling the love for it. There were just too many people about and the last thing I needed while trying to climb it was a random collection of fuckwits masquerading as spotters with an accompaniment of blooring on about the science of placing mats and the like.

To get away from the above I went and had a play on Green Traverse and felt pretty strong on the opening moves but while I was trying to work out the crux the random collection of fuckwits masquerading as spotters returned to haunt me again (much to my great joy) so I went off and had a look at what Team Slovenia were up to. As previously mentioned they had done Captain Hook on the Tuesday and had turned their attention to the neighbouring problem Bentley's Gonna Sort You Out. True to its name it did - there was some seriously shredded skin (Jakob was bleeding on and off in a manner that can only be described as profusely) and there was also the odd random gurn on show for those who had a camera handy.

Regardless of the blood letting and gurning directed at it Bentley's refused to fall to the onslaught and while they both got close it ended up another problem to come back for instead.By this time the sun was dropping below the horizon so it was back to the van and a quick drive up the road for The Buckstone Dyno. This was one of the things on Team Slovenia's list of things to do and by the time we arrived it was rapidly getting dark so Team Slovenia didn't have long to crush. They didn't need it to be honest - one quick warm up later Jernej flashed it and Jakob got it second go - something which was becoming almost normal.

In summary another impressive day of crushing from Team Slovenia but all this crushing was taking its toll - how much longer could the skin last?

Team Slovenia - Day 5

2011-03-09T23:28:00.002Z

Should you ever find a couple of Slovenia crushing machines in your house the following "rules" will keep them more than happy.

Feed them lots of tasty home-cooked food.
Let them stream Futurama off the internet to keep them entertained whenever they are not climbing.
Drive them about in a van with a big sound system with the bass turned right up and Techno on demand.
Take them to lots of different gritstone crags, point them at various things that are famous\hard and watch them crush.

Day 5 saw Team Slovenia having a rest day following their exploits at Stanage the day before and therefore it was declared that it was my day to crush (albeit at a more mortal level). Given this it was an easy decision to go to Curbar for Round 1058 of Butters vs. The Ulitimate Gritstone Experience but before that though there was time for a quick guided tour of Baslow and another look at Fatworld.

We stomped over to the Eagle Stone and upon seeing that any idea of a rest day was put to bed for Team Slovenia. After hanging off various parts of it in the guise of warming up Jernej got on the Send Train with a quick flash of "A Fistful of Beagles" and not wanting to be outdone Jakob promptly did the same.

Having dispatched that, attention was turned to "For A Few Beagles More" which prompted a few raised eyebrows with the guide book describing it as a highball and following a quick consultation regarding possible sequences Jernej was off. He floated (almost literally it seemed) as far as the top break on the flash attempt before dropping off as it was more than a little dirty but after a quick brush that too was added to the list of problems done with ease and Jakob then did the same in (I think) two attempts.

Me? I just stood there and wondered what the fuck had just happened - two of the hardest problems on The Eagle Stone had been done in a total of six attempts! It was a bit of a shock to say the least.

They then looked at a The Bright Concept as a final possibility but the line wasn't that clear and it looked to be suffering a bit of run off so I suggested that we go and look at the hard classic of the crag - Flatworld - instead. I was hoping it might provide a bit more opposition to Team Slovenia but Jernej gave me barely enough time to get the camera out before he flashed it with what turned out, in retrospect, to be a duff sequence - a conclusion arrived at after he had done it a couple more times to provide beta for Jakob. As it was Jakob gave it more than a few good goes but even with the beta he couldn't get it sent though that was down to sore skin more than a lack of talent.

After a flash of the rather scrittly slab to the left by yours truly we had a look at Fatworld which I still can not figure out how to do. I have pretty much ruled out the high foot method as just feels totally wrong to me so I played around with the smear up the face method.instead which doesn't feel any easier but at least it feels possible. Jernej and Jakob both did it and both said that it was never Font 6a which led onto a consultation of the BMC guidebook grading charts. Now I have always worked on the assumption that V3 was somewhere about Font 6a but the BMC put this round about 6a+\6b which goes quite a long why to explaining why I am regularly getting shut down on problems of that grade. Moans about grade conversions aside they seem to be consistent across the board so it is just a matter of adjusting ones sights accordingly and getting on with it.

Having solved that we set off to The Ultimate Gritstone Experience and by the time we got there I was really up for the problem and was convinced that the extra SYKE from Team Sovenia would be enough to get me up it. After a couple of goes to get the sequence refreshed in my head it was back up to my usual highpoint and I was feeling really solid on the bottom section. The foot swap was going really well with no sign of cutting loose and the moves were feeling about as easy as they have ever been to me. Third or fourth go I actually had both hands over the lip and realised that I had no idea what to do so I hung in desperately trying to figure out what to do before descending back onto the mats far quicker that I had got up there. From then on it was a matter of getting back to a similar point and trying something slightly different every time in an attempt at unlocking the top section and while none of them met with success I think I have a reasonable idea of what to do now. All that is required now is the small matter of doing it come round 1059...

Team Slovenia. Days 1-4

2011-03-07T21:21:00.001Z

Sometimes you do something a bit out of the ordinary and following one such example of doing this I have had Team Slovenia (aka Jernej and Jakob) staying at chez Butters in the run up to the CWIF.

Upon their arrival around midnight on Friday, they got given the spare set of keys, the latest Stanage guidebook, a very perfunctory guided tour to the house and the sat nav with instructions on how to work it so that they could get to The 'works on the following day. That done and out of the way I promptly went to bed and left them to it as I had to be in work for 7AM the following morning for the first of four day shifts. In all honesty this didn't amount to shining example of planning ones life and I must admit that I did feel a bit guilty about it but there was no way out of it. I should also point out that I am not usually this rude to guests unless the guest in question is Sloper in which case such behaviour is not only acceptable but positively encouraged.

I returned the following night and Team Slovenia had found the 'works and by all accounts had crushed and, more importantly, had managed to procure a lift for the following day out to the Peak which made me feel a lot better about things. They also got very excited after watching Commited and fancied a crack at The Angel's Share adding that UKB's finest Johnny Brown didn't trust his feet enough and though I tried to explain that JB was a paragon of footwork over dinner I got the impression that it had been lost in translation somewhere down the line.

Day Two was Burbage in typically English weather conditions - rain clearing to sunshine and then a snow shower to finish off the day, a combination that the average British climber wouldn't bat an eyelid at but it was probably a bit of a shock to them. In the short spell of "decent weather" Jernej sent Blind Fig and then once the weather went back to being rubbish they had a guided tour of Stanage and then from there onto Raven Tor to look at horrible crimps by all accounts.

Day Three was a rest day and, more importantly, dedicated to the production of Panckes of Power!

The Pancake of Power is just an ordinary pancake but filled with Chocolate Spread and Crunchy Peanut Butter resulting in something that tastes like a bit like a Snickers bar. Granted it sounds a bit random but they are actually really good and a quick calculation on the back of an imaginary fag packet shows that they produce lots of crushing power - get in your kitchen and knock a few of those beasts out before you head to the crag!

Suitably armed Team Slovenia hitched out to Stanage on Day Four and got rolling - Brad Pit, Deliverance, Captain Hook (2nd go), Green Traverse (flash) and Not To Be Taken Away all got crushed by Jernej though The Storm held up under the onslaught due to being in the sun. Somewhere in amongst all of that Jernej also started working The Joker and had a look at the start of Big Air going so far as jumping across before deciding that it wasn't the day for it. Not sure what Jakob did but I can say that Deliverance and Brad Pit escaped his personal onslaught for that day at least.

The following day however was Day Five and Butters was finally off shift!

Heavy gravity day

2011-02-20T21:30:00.000Z

Just found this post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago but abandoned as the siren’s song of The Sheaf was too much to resist...

It had all looked so good in the morning, the overnight rain had blown through and had left sunshine and a breeze in way of trade so I decided to risk a raid to Secret Garden to have a crack at First Bulge. This had seemed a reasonable proposition on my last trip there and the wind had dried most of the problem but unfortunately not the slopey bulge above the crux holds, which was still suffering some run off. Hoping that it would dry off later I set to working the lower section from a standing start and after a bit of effort managed to figure a way get to the crux holds without feeling so stretched. As an added bonus I also figured out a way to do the crux that I am pretty sure will work.

Having done that I sorted out what seems to be the logical line for the lower half of Sitdown Groove which, again, looks pretty doable - quite where the top half of the problem goes is anyone's guess but I will assume just to the right of First Bulge. The two lines are so close that they pretty much bleed into one another above half height but given that it looks to be easier ground above it’s probably not so important.

Also had a play on what I think is the line for Topless Crack and managed the start and could get stood up and stable but a small and rather sharp pebble in the one of the pockets I was using stopped play after a few goes when it ate through my skin. Definitely one to go back for but I will almost certainly have to work out a different sequence in an attempt to avoid the skin mangling pocket.

A quick look at the top of First Bulge revealed that the crag wasn't going to dry sufficiently to allow success I bailed and headed off to Calver for a chip butty and then it was off to Baslow to try The Highland Circuit - something I have been meaning to do for a while. Even if I do say so myself, this seemed a very good idea, in fact I thought it was an idea with an element of brilliance about it that lasted all the way to the crag where I found out that I didn't have the guidebook in the van. Great - no guidebook meant no brilliant plan and so it was back to the familiarity of Curbar and the Trackside block instead – not such a brilliant plan it has to be said but it would have to suffice.

Did a few of the usual odds and sods to warm up and then got stuck into the ramp line problem but the move to the final hold was proving elusive to say the least. It certainly felt doable but try as I might I just couldn't seem to get in a position to get it statically which is the way it will have to be done as far as I can see. Putting this ineptitude down to the chip butty consumed earlier I decided to sack it off but got tempted to have a quick go at Strawberries before I left. It felt absolutely nails, so nails in fact that I couldn't do it.

Damn that chip butty!

Let the mAYHEM commence...

2011-02-07T18:45:00.001Z

With the tangible possibility of Spring approaching thoughts have turned to getting pROJECT mAYHEM to the next stage of completion or as it is also known spending a truckload of money.

Today has seen the van booked in to have the side windows fitted - unfortunately it won't be until March as the recession doesn't seem to have rocked the VW market too much and in fact it seems to be booming at the minute. Also making an attempt to get the R&R Bed commissioned though that was thwarted by the minor fact of the boss not being there - no great issue really as I know the majority of the things that I want for it and it was more a matter of confirming a few thoughts than anything else and also getting some sort of build date so that I can start to plan out the changes I am going to have to make.

So what is to be done? What follows is an extensive (and probably horribly expensive) list:

Strip carpet off side door ready for window to be fitted.
Remove opposite board, cut down to half size ready for window fitting and refit.
Remove other boards and re-glue where they have come away from the ply.
Remove old floor and speaker\amp housing - strip of all parts that will be reused.
Build new lattice frame under floor and cut new 9mm boards to fit.
Move leisure battery to under R&R Bed.
Run power cables to new location for battery.
Rewire front speakers and add more sound deadening to try and stop the minor but very noticeable rattling.
Move speaker cabling for rear speakers.
Run cables to new location under R&R Bed.
Build new bass bin and amp housing.
Wire up amps - power, speakers, RCA cables and the like.
Rewire interior mirror via a relay to the battery and re-run the wiring for the electric windows.
Build cupboards in remaining space under R&R Bed.
Fit electrics - Invertor, cigarette socket and the like.

That will do for now as it is a lot longer than even I expected it to be and I am sure that there is 101 more small jobs that I haven't even though of at the minute...

Beasted

2011-02-04T22:14:00.001Z

The original plan was to hit the 'works yesterday and have a session on the Beastraper but a rubbish night at work - i.e. one of those where I had to do something - knocked that on the head. Last night was better as I got to do bugger all and so today was the day to go and make a fool of ones self hanging off a piece of wood.

Got to the 'works and warmed up for a while and then it was time to hang - first set went OK but the slopers were particularly hard work as I tend to wobble like hell when on a finger board which I am guessing is a sign of a lack of core tension. Still I managed to almost do the set of six on whatever the sloper angle is on the 1000 series - 35 degrees possibly - but it was probably five or six seconds a hang as opposed to the prescribed seven and the three second gap between sets wasn't strictly stuck to in all honesty. For the second and third sets I opted for the easier slopers which went a lot better (who'd a thunk it) so there is still work to do in that area . At least the four finger and three finger hangs were OK and while I could really feel it in the forearms on the last set overall I was pleased to get through the session without too many problems.

From here the next stage is to try and reduce the overall wobbliness factor when hanging and to improve on the slopers till I can do the sets on those with a bit more success - I am aiming for one set on these initially and build up from there. Also see how the three and four finger hangs progress and maybe drop one set onto the half digit holds but that is a few weeks away as yet I suspect - again build up from there. Lastly I will have to see if there is a stage up from what I am doing now (on the 1000 not the 2000) and start to work that in to the routine but again that's a few weeks away - you can't get strong when you are injured!

Getting shut down

2011-02-02T13:37:00.004Z

I like to think that everyone has a nemesis problem or two that they just can not do or have done and can not get close to doing again - it makes me feel that little bit better about my own particular nemeses.

I have done Wafery Flake at Owler Tor (Font 6a+ at a guess) in the dim and distant past but since then it has repelled me repeatedly and while I really should console myself with the fact that I did it once and therefore have no reason to do so again it just doesn't work. Sheer bloodymindedness means that I keep going back and trying it again and again and again.

So far this year I have spent two sessions on it - the first was with Northern Dave and Brokeback Beagle where both just displayed how tall they were by reaching past the "rubbish" sloper and to the good break above - bastards! I had a few goes but because the problem sits in the sun (or because it is my nemesis and is therefore fucking with my head) the "rubbish" sloper feels just that - rubbish. Hit it and then grease off - repeat till everyone else gets bored and drags me off to try Conan the Librarian instead.

Went back again on Saturday with the plan being to warm up at Owler Tor and then head off down to Secret Garden to try First Bulge - a Font 6b that I was close to sending in a session the previous time but failed on due to a tweaky bicep and some rather interesting wrist separation issues. Somewhat predictably the plan went out of the window and a siege of Wafery Flake ensued instead as the conditions are feeling better and (so the theory goes at least) the problem is there for the sending. Conditions were better it has to be said - the sloper was only mildly rubbish and I was feeling pretty good on it but still couldn't get past the move off the sloper ending up inches then millimetres then microns short of the sinker pocket. Another day without the send and therefore another trip back to try it yet again. Next time I will pack the Whites - maybe a bit of mid-sole stiffness will make the difference or maybe it won't but it can't hurt.

Finally a new post

2011-02-01T12:50:00.005Z

Which will be followed my at least a couple more as I get round to writing about various things.

So what have I been doing? The good news is that before Christmas I got out to Froggatt with Tomtom and Nai and sent my (according to the guide book at least) second Font 6b problem - Joe's Arête. Whether the problem is actually 6b is a bit debatable to my way of thinking – comparing it to the only problem that I can relate it to - Mr. Smooth at Caley - I would say that it was closer to 6a\6a+ than 6b but until the new guide comes out I will take the stance that the guide book doesn't lie. It also should be noted that regardless of the grade it is a nice problem though if it remains at 6b it will be a slightly better problem to my way of thinking. 8-)

Christmas was spent working and then after a few days back in Suffolk with the family I flew out to Italy to spend time with friends though the joy of seeing the Albanian Rat Hound again was tempered somewhat by him getting so excited by my arrival that he pissed all over my foot. Useless bloody dog... Withstanding that it was a good trip – didn't get any climbing done but had a good time anyway and it was pleasant to be in temperatures that while only single figures were on the plus side of the scale for a change. I don't think it had dawned on me just how debilitating the constant levels of sub zero temperatures had seemed till that point.

Getting back to good old blightly has also seen a slow return of the SYKE and with that a bit of time spent at the Climbingworks just trying to get back into some form which does seem to be coming together. While I haven't been pushing myself with circuits at least I am doing something in-between getting out and about doing the odd thing which I will detail in another post soon. It is also good for the social side of things as well – just catching up with people and having a chat and – astonishingly to me at least – being remembered by The Dawes.

I also seem to have made a brief foray into the strange world of fingerboarding which is an odd way to spend an evening to say the least but which has made me address the (probably long known) fact that I have no crimp strength worth speaking of. This in turn has repercussions on my unfocussed plans for the limestone (bouldering) over the summer and ultimately my somewhat more focussed plans to get A Miller's Tale in the bag. The sit start to it seemed OK when I spent some time on it .last year though the transition into the standing start needed a bit of work. From there through the steep section was pretty solid but it all broke down at the crimp for the right hand and while getting the crimp wasn't a guarantee by any means the sheer though of pulling on it was incomprehensible. As I am typing I can almost feel the awful sharpness of that right hand crimp so the the hope is that it will seem a bit less of an issue with some finger strength in hand (pardon the pun).

All change

2010-11-22T18:11:00.005Z

Not done much for a couple of weeks now following my so close but, yet again, so far away session on The Armoured Car Traverse. If it's not work getting in the way, it is social stuff or the weather putting the brake on stuff - last week we had damp, dreary conditions and they are much the same this time around albeit a bit more frozen.

Anyway it was supposed to have been the rearranged Boys Bouldering Trip this weekend but the white stuff put paid to any thoughts of heading north for my maiden trip to The County so the new plan was to go to Burbage to meet up with the boys instead. It was a pleasant enough day there - Baltic conditions reigned and a lot of stuff was either wet or covered in snow but the odd problem remained in OK nick which was more than could be said for me. I think hungover would be the word I am looking for. After watching various automotive punters making a complete mess of trying to get up the hill past Burbage Bridge we met up at Banana Finger. I have known about this problem for years but Saturday was was the first time I had ever looked at the problem let alone pulled on. Having got the greetings out of the way I squeaked the boots and after a couple of abortive attempts to size up the hangover versus physical effort problems found I could make the reach over to the first break with the pebble easily enough but was really struggling to get my feet in a position to match it. A few more goes came and went and then the SYKE was gone - it was just too cold, I was too hungover and just plain weak and so I have another project at Burbage to contend with.

Wandered about for a while and did a bit of spotting and the like and decided to risk a wander down to the Armoured Car on the off chance that it was good to go - of course it wasn't but we cleaned the holds off and Dear Boy had a couple of attempts at it but the remaining snow was just melting as soon as you touched it.

By this point it had got to late afternoon so we decided that we had done enough for the day and went to the pub to try and subjugate our collective hangovers. Can't speak for anyone else but it failed miserably on my account...

Pity the fool

2010-11-15T23:20:00.004Z

It might well be for charity and all that but some things just shouldn't be encouraged...

Rewind Selector

2010-11-15T22:42:00.005Z

Managed to get out last Friday for a quick session at Burbage South and another attempt at the Armoured Car Traverse - conditions were cool and very breezy but thankfully warmer than the flat I had retreated from - go figure!!

Started on what seem to have become the new warm up problems on the Brick boulder - conditions on anything that had been in the wind were pretty damned good but stuff that had been sheltered was not so good. They weren't bad as such - just not as good. Other than that it seemed like business as usual - problems got done and feeling ready for the task ahead it was a quick stomp through the bracken to the Armoured Car.

First go went OK until I cocked up the crux sequence but second go I matched my previous best and got the crimp for the right hand which was great for all of a brief nano-second till I realised that the crimp was a greasy slimefest. Back on the mat! Still it was encouraging as conditions had been nowhere near as good as the last time I had been out - then you could use the top of the boulder pretty much as you pleased - now it turned into a desperate search for those subtle slopers to try and attain success. So following a quick brush of the greasy crimp it was back to it again but it soon became obvious that this was a race against conditions as the odd spot of rain fell and the temperature steadily rose. Managed to get back to the crimp once more but greased off again and then the race was effectively over as the rain started to fall with more persistence. I huddled in the shelter of the traverse and rolled a cigarette while looking at the clouds trying to convince myself that the ones headed in my direction were not as full of rain as they obviously were. That worked for maybe five minutes but even the most sanguine person struggles in the face of a good soaking and with that it was decided to get back to the van before the rain set in properly.

Do I need to add that I was rather damp by the time I got back? Probably not...

It's all a bit meh!

2010-11-05T10:34:00.020Z

Backtrack two days and Skippy was keen to do some stuff on a bit of string at The Edge. I say keen but the truth of the matter was he simply mentioned it and then let my over excitable brain provide the necessary SYKE to do the rest really. Anyway enough about my random psychology and onto tales of power and pulling hard on big lumps of brightly coloured plastic. What-ho!

It has been ages since I have climbed indoors and while it was OK in a pulling hard on big lumps of brightly coloured plastic sort of way there is also something just a little bit masochistic about it all as well. You are crammed into an area that is too small and which contains too many people whose primary aims would appear to be getting in the way and occasionally climbing. Add to that, when you are climbing, there is often little in the way of route finding to do - all too often it is just a matter of briefly studying the next bright piece of plastic and then making the move, clip and repeat. Oh and it's too bloody hot and while this is offset to a degree by the eye candy it really doesn't outweigh the negatives. Jeez, I seem to have become a grumpy old man overnight - maybe I should get one of these bad boys!

Anyway enough grizzling - routes wise I didn't exactly push the boat out but I felt that I climbed OK - my clipping was a bit woeful but other than that I felt smooth and no real wobbles to speak of so that was pleasing. Also it seems like the required stamina is there or thereabouts again though the real test will come with progression onto a few harder routes which will highlight any weaknesses a bit more. As it was I ticked off something like a 5 to warm up (on top rope) and then did a 5, 5+, 5+ and a 6a+ all clean on lead. The 6a+ was a pretty good route actually as it had a series of tufas to negotiate and made you really work your feet and while I wouldn't have argued with 6a for it I quite happily took (soft) 6a+ for the quick ego boost.

Ego sufficiently boosted I then got on another 6a+ which proved to be a little bit more tricky - this one proved interest by the bucket load as it featured the arête and holds on both sides - really technical and a complete bitch of a crux that I failed to negotiate. I hung in for a while trying to figure out a workable sequence to get past the hard section but nothing really seemed to work so, in lieu of that, I debated about throwing a lot of power at it. That seemed even less likely to work so with the pump in my arms building rapidly, I slumped onto the rope reasoning I would much rather have some sort of crux sequence where falling off was less of a likelihood - gaylord! Eventually I cobbled something together that got me through it but I feel pretty sure that I am missing something as it felt all wrong compared to the rest of the route - something to go back to next Wednesday then. Finished off with a 5 on the 18 degree board and that was the end of that - the SYKE had been extinguished.

Popped into the Sheaf on the way back for a well deserved pint of carbs in a glass and found lots of Police milling about looking at this. Oops!

Think of a name, any name...

2010-10-29T13:35:00.003+01:00

Probably best to make sure that it doesn't have a second meaning though...

Back in the game

2010-10-25T22:08:00.006+01:00

After two rather intense sessions of physio featuring chiropractic treatment, deep tissue massage and acupuncture the shoulder and ab problems have, thankfully, subsided for now. Same problem as before apparently - left shoulder muscles seizing up so now I have a regime of press-ups on non-climbing days to try and stop it happening for a third time. Oh joy but at least it doesn't cost money to do the regime.

In between the two sessions of physio I had a good day at Curbar with the Dear Boy, Skippy and his mate Pete or as he is known from now on 1k Excuses. Usual stuff really – did the slab problems below Gorilla Warfare and then onto the three main lines on the Prow. Considering the fact that I had only done the centre line a couple of weeks before, it was a bit worrying when it shut me down and while it did get done eventually, I would be hard-pressed to say I did it in style.

From there it was down to Trackside – Three Pocket problem went first time which I was pleased about because it's one of those problems I can either do or fail repeatedly on for reasons that are beyond me to explain. Perhaps it was a sign that the mantle problem had cleaned up considerably and was no longer the slimy grease-fest it had been a couple of weeks before and would therefore go first time. If so then it was a very accurate sign indeed.

Next up was the old favourite – Strawberries. Pulled on and rocked up into the high left hand which I knew as soon as I hit it wasn't quite right but decided that it would go regardless. Pulled hard and everything was looking quite good till about halfway through the move when the sidepull and my left hand violently decided to go their own separate ways with the outcome being a lot of skin loss and copious amounts of blood everywhere! I might well have sworn a bit at this point but I can't remember – probably fair to assume that I did though...

Once I had stopped bleeding profusely I then nailed Strawberries not once but twice, partly to prove a point but also because it felt bloody hard, though taking into account the pull is with the shoulder I had been having treatment on it shouldn't have been such a surprise really. It certainly wasn't the usual push over at Font 4+ that day I can tell thee.

Lastly I made progress on Crack 'n' Pockets to the point where I could get stood up in the break but finding the point of balance to go for the pockets wasn't really happening, possibly due to earlier blood loss but more likely because of finishing work at 7AM that morning. The right heel round the corner seems to work so I will assume it is right for now but I have a nagging feeling that when I do get it right I am going to come up a couple of inches short of the pockets or just end up horribly stretched out if I can reach them. Still it's a problem that seems to suit me so I will be back for another go soon.

The call has gone out.

2010-10-20T22:01:00.019+01:00

Monday found me at Cratcliffe and conditions should have been good in theory - it was cold and the temperature was low but the grit was just not playing ball. The reality of the situation was a bit of a horror show for friction, something I initially put it down to having an off day but it was later confirmed by FatBoySlimFast on UKB that it was the same everywhere. Given that I went there to try the arête on the Egg Boulder - friction based climbing at its best - this was not good news and after an encounter with someone who could well have been closely related to the Dawes judging by the randomness of the conversation we had, I sacked it off.

Fast forward two days and the situation changed completely - if pROJECT mAYHEM had such a thing as a grit light it would have been shining like a huge techno-playing lighthouse to warn people that the grit had been called. Even better I could get out there to see this momentous first day in and I was armed with a big tick list on a day that the friction was so good that it felt like I was cheating.

Days such as these need a plan and so, with Adam Beyer testing the speakers, it was off to Burbage to warm up and then onwards to Mother Cap for a session on Conan the Librarian. After a couple of duff starts on the Brick I sent most of the problems there first time and from there it was onto the Briquette to try Huggy - a problem that I have a history with that needs laying to rest. Gave it a quick brush, pulled on and promptly tweaking an ab injury that has been annoying me off and on for a while in the process.

Deciding to leave that well alone instead of aggravating things further I went to try the Armoured Car Traverse and after a couple of attempts managed to get back to my previous best - the drop onto the sidepull for the left hand - and from there managed to get the crimp for the right. A new best was attained but my excitement was quickly tempered by the realisation that I may have two decent holds for the hands but my feet were planted and not going anywhere so I dropped off and thought about the sequence into the handholds some more. After contemplating about it for a while I managed to refine the sequence so that I wasn't so stretched going to the handholds and tried again without much success - I was rushing to get back to the new baseline but the end result was not getting there at all. The moves were also playing havoc with my other niggling injury in my left shoulder but with the conditions being so good I just kept stretching it out and hoping that things didn't get any worse. Another couple of attempts and I was feeling a lot smoother going into the sidepull so it was time for the big push - it was going to go. Armed with the syke of knowing that a long term project is close, I traversed across and dropped into the sidepull, concentrated on the crimp to a whole new level and once happy with it, started to rock across. My shoulder protested some more about this but I ignored it and instead, spurred on by the knowledge that this was now my last attempt off the day, I got the good hold for the right, matched my feet and planted the right foot across ready to go for the huge holds and glory. Well that was the plan - my shoulder had other ideas about things though and its protests were no longer going to be ignored and so, with another quick twinge from my ab for good measure, I was back on the mat. The final whistle had been blown on the day - there was no extra time to be played in this match - it was simply over, finished, gone, done, out...

I just sat there with my head in my hands and railed against the injustice of it all - I had pretty much done the hard moves, it was almost a path from where I came off, conditions were perfect and my useless lump of a body had given up under the effort. Even now, 24 hours later, I'm still not sure whether I am more pissed off about the fact that I dropped the relatively easy finishing moves, that I now have not one but two injuries which need attention or that I let good conditions and syke get the better of my common sense. Gutted!

Only mad dogs and Englishmen...

2010-10-20T15:51:00.018+01:00

...go climbing at Birchens of a Sunday - it was bloody rammed to say the least.

Decided to warm up on Porthole Arête for starters which was, according to the Rockfax guide, VS 4c. It was all going reasonably well taking into consideration the generally rounded nature of the holds till I got to the top where a very tenuous move from a decent jam and a really sketchy step up on an even more sketchy foothold provoked much thought. Protection was a thrown in nut that looked good from what I could see but in all honesty I had no way of being 100% sure of so I was having a bit of a crisis of faith with that but at least the cam placed underneath the slab was good. Eventually committed to what I was telling myself was only a 4c move but in reality felt a lot closer to a pretty serious and off balance 5a - reached up for the break which I had assumed was good - it wasn't - decided that I was still going for it and pulled through, smeared on the arête and with a final couple of moves it was over. Not the warm up I had assumed I was going to get to say the least and so I silently cursed Rockfax for some pretty crap grading skills. As it was when I got back to chez Butters I checked the new BMC guide expecting to see that it was high in the grade, dodgy moves and generally expecting heroic things to be said of those who dare to lead it. Therefore, it was with a little bit more than a modicum of disappointment that I found the route graded HS 4c - which in all honesty it probably is if you don't go off line. Still, route finding skills aside, I was pretty pleased with backing myself to be good enough to do the move (eventually) and committing to it.

From there we went to the other end of the crag to see if we could get away from the two Student Uni. groups that were there, something we managed to do but only at the expense of finding ourselves next to some sort of climbers crèche - in essence a hellish mix of climbers, parents and screaming\crying\miserable kids. Somehow shutting out this unholy din, Skippy was eyeing up on a couple of lines on Trafalgar Wall, both of which I told him, were pointless taking any gear for as all the higher placements were marginal at best having looked at them before when soloing. Ignoring this he went and found out for himself that they were as bad, if not worse, than I had told him they were while I belayed to the sound of Frank or Freddie bawling away incessantly. In an effort to shut out the noise I silently pondered whether it would be murder or manslaughter that I would be more likely to be charged with given what I thought was reasonable provocation and whether le grand ventre would be any use should it come to needing legal representation.

In the end it didn't come to such extreme lengths and so it was back to the other end of the crag again which was thankfully getting a bit quieter as the day progressed where I led Emma Royd - a route that is about as good as the pun it so painfully aspires to. The start is OK and the middle section isn't too bad either but it really loses it towards the top - low in the grade but on the plus side my gear selection skills had improved markedly - I was on the money with regard to nut sizes as many times as not so pleased about that anyway.

Finally Topsail - I drew the short straw and seconded it but even leading it I think the levels of disappointment wouldn't have changed much - it is a one trick pony route and while that move is really good it also has to be balanced against the horribly polished nature of the route that precedes it. Add in the state of the cam slot that I had heard so much about but which was even worse to look at in reality and the sense of disenchantment was complete. A pity really as I had heard a few good things about the route but at least I spied a couple of decent looking lines that I haven't done yet so there is scope for probably one more visit - just not at a weekend.

The Enormous White Whale of Doom

2010-10-16T08:13:00.007+01:00

According to extremely-inaccurate-weather.com the forecast for week ahead is going to feature the word sunny in profusion combined with cooler temperatures. Normally The Met Office would disagree with this and predict the polar opposite but in a rare show of solidarity it is agreeing so the plan for the next 5 days, starting tomorrow, is grit.

Sunday is the only day planned out so far - a day spent worshipping the tyranny of faff with Skippy at either Birchens or Stanage Plantation. It has to be said that neither are venues that I would choose for a weekend visit but I am actually a little bit excited by the possibility of Birchens as it offers the chance to tick a load of easy stuff soloing and I might finally get to do Topsail. Strange how the mind works sometimes isn't it...

The rest of the week will be bouldering so it is just a matter of choosing venues really though a couple of things spring to mind - Mother Cap is an obvious choice since Conan the Librarian is on the tick list of things to do and Curbar for the UGE and Crack 'n' Pockets. A trip down to Cratcliffe is also a strong possibility so that's three days gone already and then it is down how much inspiration and skin are available. I have a feeling that inspiration will outlast the skin by a country mile.

Thursday it is back to night shifts and on Friday the Dear Boy arrives in The Enormous White Whale of Doom to rig up a decent sound system in it. Quite how he has survived numerous journeys back and forth from Italy having to listen to music on stock Merc speakers is beyond me as I would have been forced to take some form of corrective surgery a long time ago. Regardless this is obviously something else to get syked about - a few days playing with amps and speakers, running cables and tweaking is never time wasted.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor

2010-10-14T15:22:00.004+01:00

Levels of SYKE are at a new high - the old benchmarks for levels of SYKE have been discarded as irrelevant, tawdry things after hearing the news that Godspeed You! Black Emperor are touring again. At last I get a chance to see them again following what has been probably 8 years of them going off and going their own thing.

GY!BE are almost certainly my favourite band - certainly top two anyway - and while others come and go they are a constant and have been since I first stumbled across a review for "Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennae To Heaven" and promptly went out and bought it as it sounded pretty interesting. Picking stuff up on the strength of a review is always a lottery as there are so many variables and this was before the age of broadband and Napster was in it's infancy so the option of doing a bit of research wasn't really viable - it was simply try it and see what happens. Boy was it interesting - it was unlike anything else I had heard at the time which was mainly stuff like My Bloody Valentine, The Fall, Pixies and other stuff of that era. To be honest the first listen to that CD was a pretty seminal moment for me and it brings to mind a reply that Nibile made on UKB when he managed to hang the 45's on his beastraper :

"in every man's life there are historical moments of absolute value. the first time you je** off, the first time you get into a fight, the first time you make love"

That kind of sums up how I felt - something changed a little with that first listen and with each GY!BE album bought after that it changed a little more but I suppose it is always that first album I come back to most often just because of that moment.

Bring on the 7th of December so that I can see my beloved Godspeed again - it's been too long.

Shoulder Update

2010-10-12T11:41:00.002+01:00

Not great - certainly not going to be attempting Conan the Librarian today that much is for sure. At least it doesn't feel too badly injured - just feels whack in the joint so I suspect that I over stretched something yesterday by pulling too hard on big holds. The good news (such as it is) is that I am back on day shifts tomorrow so it will provide four days of enforced rest.

The tyranny of faff

2010-10-11T23:17:00.013+01:00

Back on a piece of string today at Stanage Popular End with Skippy - unseasonably sunny weather for October it has to be said but not hot enough to be sweating off holds - all in all a quite enjoyable day at the crag if the truth be told.

The days tick list:

Black Hawk Hell Crack - second.
Manchester Buttress - lead.
Gargoyle Buttress - second.
Heather Wall - lead.

Admittedly nothing really hard there and I had done the first three routes before but it wasn't really a day for pushing hard - more a refresher course in the tyranny of faff. Must say that Manchester Buttress was greatly improved by continuing up to the top rather than throwing together a belay on the big ledge after the traverse back round to the right. Doesn't add any hard moves to the route in all honesty but just makes it feel that little bit less of a cop out which was how it felt when I first did it a few years back now.

Heather Wall was a new one for me though and I came very close to blowing the onsight on the opening moves - got established on decent handholds and the sloping foothold and then the foot blew. Thank god for decent hand holds as I just locked the left and held it before throwing in a cam and making a few moves, throwing in another cam which was pretty rubbish and finally a decent nut and then calmed down. From there it was all good really - nice moves from break to break and gear where you needed it and the added bonus of knowing that I can still onsight VS occasionally.

The good things about the day (apart from the onsight) were that I seem to be moving well on the rock at the minute and I am probably not quite as far off route fitness as I thought I was. Even after the moment on Heather Wall I still found it fairly straight forward from a fitness point of view and while it can be argued that the moves are only 4c tops and most of the breaks provide a decent rest if you work a bit it is still a lot bigger than I have been used to climbing recently.

On the flip side - my gear selection is way off after the best part of two years not working those skills on a regular basis and while it was improving marginally as the day progressed there is still a lot to do on that front. I also seem to have tweaked my left shoulder early on and the Heather Wall incident didn't improve matters which is not good as I was toying with the idea of a session on Conan the Librarian tomorrow.

Will just have to see how it is in the morning and go from there.

Operation Butters Home Made Chilli Powder is go!

2010-10-08T16:03:00.015+01:00

I have blogged about my life's culinary mission, to cook the perfect Chilli con Carne, before here and mentioned Operation Butters Home Made Chilli Powder here. With regard to OBHMCP ordering lots of different chillies from the Cool Chile Company was as far I had got - they were left sat in a box till motivation caught up with my ambition which it finally did today. The long wait is over - Operation Butters Home Made Chilli Powder became a reality at long last.

The onset of the mission coincided with the arrival of not one, not two, but three Stevie Wonder albums that I had got off the Bay of Fleas for next to nothing and so Innervisions was thrown on and off we went. Using this recipe as the basis, adapting it with a bit of input from this recipe for chilli powder I found ages ago and throwing in a bit of my own taste (or lack thereof) the oven was fired up and the chillies set to toast.

Above are a mix of Ancho's, New Mexico, de Arbol and Smoked Chipotle chillies with a stick of Cinnamon thrown in for good measure. Simple enough - put in an oven and toast till they are dry and slightly crispy as apparently good dried chillies should still have slight moisture in them. Every day is a school day it would seem.

While that was being done it was time to toast some Cumin seeds in the wok - it has to be said that the Wok in the picture is one awesome piece of kit. I bought it years ago from one of the Chinese shops on London Road for the princely sum of £8 if I remember correctly and it has been a faithful servant ever since, standing up to whatever random cooking abuse I subject it to on a regular basis without complaint.

Enough about the wok though - time for another Stevie Wonder CD, Hotter than July this time which is somewhat appropriate now that I think about it.

Once the cumin seeds, cinnamon and chillies had been toasted it was time to throw them all into the blender, add some Hot Smoked Paprika, Garlic Powder and Mexican Oregano and blitz till it was reduced to a powder with the final result looking like this.

It smells awesome so tomorrow I am off to buy some decent mince and cook up a Chilli con Carne with it - slightly worried that I have no idea what ratio to use it in so I am going to take a stab in the dark and go for 1 tbsp of Butter's Chilli Powder per pound of meat. Assuming that I survive the experience hopefully I will be one step closer to achieving my life's ambition...

Font - Day 5 & 6

2010-10-07T20:58:00.020+01:00

It rained on the Thursday night in what sounded like, to judge by the noise of the rain falling on the van, biblical proportions. I laid in pROJECT mAYHEM and was feeling rather grateful that I was not in a tent with just a thin piece of canvas over my head for protection but those thoughts of gratitude were rudely dispelled at 5.40AM when le grand ventre knocked on the door to run him to the station. It was hard not to think that pROJECT mAYHEM was giving with one hand and taking with the other at the time.

Thankfully one of us had had the presence of mind the night before to make sure le grand ventre had all his stuff together necessary to catch his ridiculously early flight from the airport. Probably just as well as it was still bucketing it down and the thought of le grand ventre wandering aimlessly about while he got his shizzle together at 5.40AM would have given a saint murderous thoughts so quite what it would have done to me is not worth thinking about. Anyway we got him loaded up and drove to the camp-site exit only to find that it was locked as was the entrance as well - bugger! Le grand ventre put a brave face on it and duly walked to the station - something I tried very hard to feel guilty about while I reversed the van back the 200 yards it had come and went back to sleep again. I failed.

Upon rising later in the day the weather was looking slightly better - grey and still the odd shower here and there but it wasn't as bad as it had been earlier so there was the possibility of getting something done. Plans were hatched amid much laughter at le grand ventre's bad luck and it was decided to go to the big Carrefour to buy cheese, wine and the like before heading out to find dry rock.

An hour or two later the van was full of wine, random French sausage and stinky cheese and so we set off to 95.2 to have a very enjoyable lunch in the sunshine and then it promptly rained. The next couple of hours were spent driving around the forest and being pursued by rain, where ever we went the rain followed, it was as if we had an enormous rain-cloud magnet attached to the van.

Eventually we gave it up and went to have a coffee in Milly-la-Foret and followed that up with a beer to make ourselves feel better when it rained yet again. While having our consolation beer we got a tip off from Neil at Maisonbleau that there was dry rock at yet another location so it was back into the van and off we went again. You don't really need me to tell you that as soon as we got there it rained do you? Well it did.

It was at that point where we gave up - back to the camp-site to disassemble le grand ventre's tent (not only an onerous task but a rather odourful one too it has to be said) and then wish Dear Boy a bon voyage as he set off back to the sunnier climes of Italy.

Saturday was "get off the beach day" and with coffee made and camp broken the last task remaining before setting off back to the UK was drop the Broken Beagle off at a crag near Milly-la-Foret. From there the long drag home started which was a lot less eventful than the trip down thankfully, the exception being getting off the A6 but compared to the drive down it was a walk in the park.

And so, twelve odd hours after abandoning Broken Beagle, I was back Sheffield just in time to sit down on the sofa with a much needed beer in hand to watch Arsenal getting beaten on Match of the Day. A perfect combination to reflect on an awesome trip over six hectic days with close to 1200 miles of driving and ask myself if I would do it all again? Damn right I would - Font rocks and I still haven't done 6a there yet!

When can we go?

Preparation be damned

2010-10-05T23:08:00.005+01:00

Decided that the weather was far too good and we were far too battered following Saturdays exertions to justify spending money to go climbing indoors so we met up at Burbage for a bimble on the boulders there instead.

Had a really good session - didn't do anything new but it was good to be out on the rock and feeling that I was moving well. Helped that the conditions were pretty damned good - not optimum but close would be my assessment and it certainly helped in my best attempt so far on the The Armoured Car Traverse. Still going to require a bit more work through the crux but it feels the closest it has been yet.

Today was another good day out at Curbar - I was feeling ever more battered but decided that I would go and check out the stuff behind the Gorilla Warfare block that is listed in the new Froggatt guide. Slightly disappointing with what I found to be honest - the problem on the back wall was green so that might be better with some dry conditions and a good brush. The two problems on the other face looked less than enticing though - the arête problem has a block that sticks up at the base providing a landing that looks pretty nasty and the face problem to the right has a pit underneath it. I didn't try either problem so it might be a bit of a false impression but neither one really made me feel that confident given I was out on my own.

Back to the old favourites then - did the problems on the slab below Gorilla Warfare and then walked acoss to The Prow which I got utterly spanked on a few years back and haven't been near since. My loss is all I can say - the Left Hand Arête is pleasant and easy enough, the centre line proved tricky to start and I thought that it would be all over once I had negotiated that part but the crux seems to be moving off two decent crimps for the top. On paper it should be easy but it feels really balancy and tenuous and getting the top from there first time was a good feeling - so good in fact that I eliminated the decent hold for the left hand at the start and utilised a small crimp instead. Made no difference to the overall grade that I could tell but it felt that little bit more satisfying to do it that way. Last but not least was The Prow itself and it is a magnificent problem. Good handholds all the way but you have to work to get the feet right - should really have been a flash but I cocked up pulling on so it went second go with a slight wobble reaching for the top when I realised that the mat was placed in a less than optimum position.

From there it was down to Trackside to be confronted by some of the worst chalk abuse I have seen in a long time.

The picture was taken after 2-3 minutes of brushing chalk off with about four different brushes. You could see the break all the way from The Prow - that is how much chalk the bloody idiots had smeared in the break in an effort, one can only assume, to dry it out. Whoever was responsible really needs beating to death with their chalk bag and while it might take a very long time for them to die it will be worth it after I tried the problem and my left hand blew at the top of the mantle resulting in two very skinned knuckles. Still I suppose at least I got to bleed a lot and swear a lot more - not a total waste of a day.

Following that I repeated Strawberries first time - go me - and then played about a bit on what seems to be Crack 'n' Pockets in the new guide. Have played about on it before but today it felt feasible though no progress was made as the crimp for the left hand had been sitting in the sun for a while and so was not feeling great and my skin was feeling in even worse condition. Gave it up as a bad job but it has been added to the projects list for the winter anyway as something to try along with the Ultimate Gritstone Experience.

Font - Day 4

2010-10-04T22:08:00.006+01:00

Day four dawned and some time later - quite probably a few hours after - I half climbed, half fell out of the van feeling (in the most charitable sense possible) as rough as a dog though, in all honesty, if your dog had been as sick as I was it would have been a trip to the vets. Not being of the canine persuasion though I decided the best course of action was to self medicate with strong coffee and a banana. Welcome to being 40 years and one day old - not quite as good as being 40 years and no days old from my once in a lifetime shot at it.

Quite a few hours after that, following many exhortations from Broken Beagle, we bundled into the van and went to Roche aux Sabots where it promptly rained resulting in a bit more R&R being taken.

Eventually it dried off enough that some of the blue circuit was climbable - I flailed up the first problem and having got there laid on the top until I was sure that wasn't going to do a passable impression of Vomiting Veronica. Just to make sure I also sat out the next few problems but eventually the nauseous feeling thing subsided and it was on with the blue circuit again. Another problem got sent before it was on to one which was rather memorable just for being a bit weird in a good way - the crux was a sort of press to a slap for the top which went down about third go. The problem after was just not happening though - there must be a way to do it with a bit of style but I just couldn't figure it out and there was no power in the tank to try and beast it into submission so I played the joker on that one and walked away.

The next problem was number 10 (I think) and it was my go first. To much amazement (most of all from myself) I flashed the thing - a technical slab with a smear to a good foothold for the right foot and on to decent holds on the scaly sort of rock that I was rapidly becoming to associate with Font. If I was to say that it was probably the best problem that I did in Font on the trip it wouldn't be far off - that good!

Did one or two more problems after that and then ran into Dense and the guys he was climbing with and, to everyone's amazement, Dense was actually climbing! True to form he was finding mono's where no one else could but he was actually climbing things!

I was rapidly going downhill again so I only managed about one or two more problems after that before retiring for the day but the blue circuit is definitely a circuit that will have to be done on my return as some of the later problems looked amazing. One in particular - a very technical looking and also rather scary slab with an arête that tapered outwards the higher you progressed is certainly on my list of must do things.

Interlude

2010-10-04T12:13:00.009+01:00

I will get around to the final 3 days of Font updates in due course but following a quick redesign of the blog layout I will follow a slightly different course for a moment or two.

Sat in the pub on Friday night with the usual gang - in summary a varied bunch of mates, some who climb, some who don't, it transpired that John Oz was looking for someone to climb with the following day. I had tentatively planned to go to Baslow on my own to try the green circuit from the new Froggatt guide but nothing ventured is nothing gained so I dropped John a quick text. Plans were made and so we met up the following day at Burbage North for a day of trad and the like.

It has to be said that me and trad have been out of fashion for the best part of two years now - this was going to be my third trad session in that time but there has been a steadily building inclination to get back into the tyranny of faff that is trad for a while now. Part of this is down to reading the ramblings of Paul B who has discovered trad again in a big way, partly from reading Fiend's blog but more so the fact that I have unfinished business in that I know I have the potential to be a far better trad climber than I am on paper. I am, as someone once described me "An E1 leader with a VS leader's brain" - harsh but true...

Paul sums up what trad is all about very succinctly in his latest post:

"It may be easy, you mightn't have to be 'that' strong or fit but in reality it tests a whole different skill set, requires different knowledge and ultimately leads to some amazing experiences."

Boy does it test a different skill set - I have always had major issues with trusting gear and falling on it which I proved to myself by attempting to lead The Chant again. Last time I did it was probably over three years ago - OK I got the onsight but it was a slightly terrifying moment to say the least with the move off the sidepull feeling super tenuous and insecure. Saturday was the same but even knowing the cam I placed in the break was bomber there was no way that I was willing to test it - I reached up to the sidepull, got scared commiting to the move and downclimbed before being unceremoniously spat off when the pump got too much. The gear held obviously...

Three major points from this episode in failure - I have no stamina for routes which leads on directly to the fact that I can not hang on in there to try a move again and succeed or retreat to a rest to rethink the strategy and last but not least even if I had the stamina to hang on in there then I have severe issues with gear and falling. Points one and two are easy to rectify - get back on routes at an easier grade or on plastic and get fit for routes, hanging in there while figuring out the options and also getting the onsight mentality back. The third point is going to be a lot harder but it is, ultimately, the crucial part of the puzzle to solve - placing gear and trusting it and being prepared to lob onto it should that prove necessary!

With all of this in mind I have set myself the task of leading HVS consistently by the end of the grit season and the proof of this is going to be leading what I will refer to as the big six at Millstone - these being (from left to right):

Plexity - HVS 5a
Dexterity - E1 5b*
Lyons Corner House - HVS 5a
Great North Road - HVS 5a
Bond Street - HVS 5a
Great Portland Street - HVS 5b

*There is the option to scuttle left at HVS but this will probably be the last on the list as an E1 attempt.

Of the above I have seconded #2 (with LH exit) & #4 and onsighted #3 & #5 before so it's not a total leap into the unknown it will provide a good test of where I am at. While I am at it I will add a couple more routes to the list as needing to be done soon - the first being The Chant (it's only VS but it's a demon that must be slain) and the other being that old nemesis of mine - Avalanche Wall at Curbar.

Preparation starts tonight with a session with John at The Edge - even with some fantastic weather today I am sacrificing getting out for an evening on the plastic. I will also be doing the green circuit at Baslow but going at it with more of an onsight mentality where possible to get used to hanging in there and committing rather than dropping off for a rethink. Other than that it is going to be as much trad as possible to get the gear placing aspect back in tune again - the less time you spend hanging about placing the right piece of gear first time the more you have to give at the sharp end when required.

It has to be said that I am feeling more than a little daunted by this challenge that I have set myself but why make life easy for yourself?

Font - Day 3

2010-10-01T17:54:00.007+01:00

a.k.a. le grand ventre's day of sartorial elegance.

Le grand ventre decided that today was the day he would give the birthday boy (me) Broken Beagle and Dear Boy a lesson in sartorial elegance - today was to be veritable tour de force that would shock the fashion world to its very core - nothing less, nothing more. From the simple insouciance of the well-worn Ireland Rugby top to the stylistic brilliance of the Barbour, from the timeless nature of the burgundy cord's to that ultimate statement in fashion: the bright orange Rab, it is without doubt true that le grand ventre has an eye for an outfit. Today was to be no ordinary day though - today's outfit would show the French how simple style was done!

Standing perfectly shod in an immaculate pair of brown brogues with odd socks (pulled up of course) these flowed seamlessly via a pair of pasty white legs into a daring pair of blue gingham shorts. This was nothing compared to the crowning glory of this lesson in style and panache though - a svelte denim jacket (unbuttoned naturally) and no shirt. Without doubt a strong look and one that would make the world of fashion sit up, scribble countless notes on whatever was to hand and wonder just how they had never thought of this before. Unfortunately no one got a picture of the full outfit but we have obtained a picture of said outfit adapted for crag mode - note the fantastic accessory bag which is de riguer for the crag look this season.

Anyway enough about le grand ventre for now - we arrived at Bas Cuvier and tried blue 1 which felt damn near impossible as did blue 2. Then did a few of the orange problems and the world seemed a lot better. Wandered in and found Dense and a few other lads camped out under something steepish before going to look at the days objective La Marie Rose.

Having found the problem Broken Beagle sent it again first time and le grand ventre had a few attempts but was hampered by an injury to his hand but at least he gave me more than enough beta to have a decent attempt. After a couple of failed attempts I could pretty much get my foot out to the left every time but dropping into the gaston was proving almost impossible due to sweaty hands and as the day progressed it just got worse as the sun lit up more and more of the problem. Deciding that it wasn't going to happen concentration was turned instead to the blue slab to the left - once the initial start had been sorted the fun really with a couple of tenuous smears to better holds and the top. Feeling a lot better having got the problem done soon turned to dismay after I realised that getting off the problem was the mental crux of it all and after a few dismal attempts I just decided to down climb the problem I had just done which was no doubt a lot harder than the descent proper but was the only way that I was getting off the problem that day. Well at least I was not the only one to suffer as the Dear Boy showed great solidarity in also getting the fear about getting off it and there is no doubt that it provided amusement for the rest of the climbers at the crag...

Events however must shift back to le grand ventre just as surely as night follows day - having tried and failed to tape his troublesome thumb he had resorted instead to sporadically trying a problem before dropping off with a huge cry of "Ow" and shaking the injured hand vigorously. He would then proceed to telling everyone in the general vicinity that he was injured - it didn't matter what nationality they were or whether they had any great command of the English language, they would be told about le grand ventre's grave injury. The rest of the gang just wandered off and found another boulder to try...

Following a good day at Bas Cuvier (with the exception of the detritus of carnal carnage that litters the place) it was off to Font for a quick beer. Le grand ventre's outfit proved to be a huge hit with the locals and proved it's versatility transforming instantaneously from crag wear to afternoon beer wear by fastening a single button on the denim jacket - oh so chic! Some of the younger element gaped open-mouthed and fell on the floor in amazement and others just could not believe the style that was being displayed and stared at us with open disdain. How could this oaf show such style?

And so it was on to the evenings entertainment - dinner at a posh French restaurant. Thankfully le grand ventre had decided to dress down for the evening and was therefore slightly less offensive to the jealous eyes of the locals. Foie Gras pate (truly amazing food) followed by Swordfish in a delicate curry sauce washed down with a couple of decent bottles of wine and finished off with a stunning Armagnac from 1970. From there it was back to our regular watering hole - the Glasgow Bar - which is better than its name suggests and had the addded advantage of having Desperado on tap for the Broken Beagle. A few pints later and some random shot for me went down quickly and then the wobble back to the camp site followed by possibly more beer and an undignified crash into bed. Great food, great company and all in all a great way to see in ones 40th.

Font - Day 2

2010-10-01T14:52:00.003+01:00

After a night spent sleeping in the van (in the campsite car park) it was time to get sorted, make camp, brew some coffee and then hit town for something to eat. Having done that and feeling just a tiny bit syked it was off to Isatis with le grand ventre for an introduction to the sandstone.

Getting there it was decided that various problems on the blue circuit was the order of the day and off we went - bloody brilliant all round - flashed some, got spanked by others and just got used to the climbing style really. Favoutite problem that I did there was one of the early blue slab problems done in two goes - the trick was getting the start sorted out and once you had got established then it was padding up the slab on random bulges with a fair degree of belief. Also flashed the big crack (24 or 26 maybe?) which was very welcome as it all got a bit tenuous towards the top with no spotter in sight. A few more quality problems got done and then a quick wander out towards the far end of the circuit to get inspired by more awesome looking problems (we had sacked it off by now due to the heat and le grand ventre running out of steam half way up a problem) that will have to be done next time I go out. In fact I suspect that the blue circuit in all its entirety will have to be done. Not hard problems but really nice problems.

From there it was back to the camp-site via the Carrefour for the essential supplies such as beer and the like and then it was a matter of waiting for Broken Beagle and Dear Boy to arrive before heading out again, this time to Rocher Canon.

Rocher Canon - different crag, different problems and a different feel to everything - the problems are that bit bigger than Isatis and while I got up one or two problems, overall I just got shut down on the sky blue circuit. Not really sure why it didn't flow - probably a bit of everything really, tiredness, not feeling that I was moving well and the fact that the problems were that little bit bigger and harder than those we were doing earlier all contributed but regardless it was still a good evening bouldering. The gang were in Font and tomorrow was the big day - I turned 40 and we were off to Bas Cuvier to try La Marie Rose - the first Font 6a in the forest and hopefully mine too.

Font - Day 1

2010-09-29T16:03:00.010+01:00

I just love France and the French - the women tend to be sexy and chic, they produce some great cheese that upsets everyone in the office when I eat it for dinner, they drive like bloody maniacs in their battered little French cars and last but not least it contains Font!

Just in case you missed the point I was trying to make there I went to Font for the first time to celebrate my 40th year of not dying and it was bloody awesome.

Day 1 consisted of getting to Font on my own which was a somewhat daunting task it has to be said. I left my brothers house in Nottingham at the optimum time to catch not only the early morning lunacy around that fair city but also the full on rush hour lunacy somewhere around Luton. The standard of driving was at its usual best but with time on my side I just sat out the worst of it and proceeded down to the ferry with time in hand. Nice easy ferry journey and then a brief while to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road and hit the A1 to Paris until I saw the first sign for Bordeaux which marked my turn off point at which point which it all went mental.

Important life lesson number 1 - do not plan to be anywhere near Paris at the time of rush hour. It was hideously intense to say the least - there I was sat behind the wheel trying to focus on what was happening all around me, trying to figure out where the next junction was and reacting to the onslaught of battered French cars complete with their chain smoking drivers appearing from all directions at high speed. As this is France though it is simply not enough, you have to add in the motorcyclists who, judging by my observations, are either built of some indestructible material or are completely and utterly bonkers such is their disregard for any notion of road safety. To top off this experiment in mental stress I had Sloper's (from here on known as le grand ventre) shat nav to "advise" me on my route. It should come as very little surprise that it took after its owner: years out of date, cantankerous and bloody annoying after a while would sum it up nicely.

So how did I manage to negotiate the torturous drive across the North of Paris without getting at least one dint in the van? My theory is that it was down to opening the windows, cranking up the stereo and playing some French free jazz that was even more mental that the occupants of the little tin cans and motorbikes that surrounded me. There was no driver skill involved at all of that I am quite sure.

Having survived the drive round Paris and despite the "assistance" of the shat nav which was hopelessly predicting roundabouts and left hand turns where none existed I somehow arrived in Font. With a great sense of relief I parked up at the station to wait for the arrival of le grand ventre, something he duly managed with his usual lack of sartorial elegance. From there it was a quick drive down the road to dump the van off at the camp site and then a long walk back into Font to have a few beers and chill out.

It had been a long day but I had arrived...

The Big Bang Theory

2010-09-02T23:57:00.004+01:00

Four plus hours after being subjected to an episode of the terminal shite that is "The Big Bang Theory" and the obligatory trip to The Sheaf I finally feel calm enough to rant on about it. I wish I was as erudite as Nik at Work when it comes to dissecting such things but I am a simple man so therefore all I will say is:

JUST FUCK OFF WITH YOUR "FRIENDS WITH SCIENCE SHITE" BASTARD TV PROGRAM! FRIENDS WAS NEVER FUNNY AND ADDING SCIENCE TO AN ALREADY SHIT IDEA DOES NOT MAKE IT FUNNY SO PLEASE JUST FUCK OFF MY FUCKING TV YOU TALENTLESS FUCKING BASTARDS!

And on that note I shall retire to my comfy chair and read the Daily Mail which will tell me that the reason we no longer have lots of songbirds is because the immigrants are eating them.

Good day, bad day!

2010-09-02T18:41:00.003+01:00

Been down to Camp Butters a couple of times this week - had a good session all round on Monday and walked away pleased with myself. Tried to work the top and middle tier problems and made some sort of progress but the general steepness and some seriously ragged skin did me in towards the end of it.

Today was the opposite - I got on the hardest Font 5 in the world to warm up and got shut down with a vengeance. It was like the first time all over again - no power, no footwork and just bloody awful really. Sat back on the mat and to be honest I was just puzzled - I have this bloody thing reasonably wired now so where had all the progress that I had made in the previous weeks gone? Decided that I wasn't going to let it get to me and had another go with slightly better results but things were not looking good so had a radical rethink and just concentrated on doing the middle section (which is the crux for me) as smoothly as possible. Eventually called it a day about three hours later - skin was shot again which is starting to become an issue but at least I had done something instead of walking away in a fit of pique. Next time I get on it there is hope that the end section will be that much easier as a result of the work that was put in today.

Also got a bit of beta on the middle tier problem which seems feasible - it certainly looked easier than the way I was trying it on Monday so that is something else to look forward to.

Camp Butters

2010-08-25T17:16:00.007+01:00

Been down to Camp Butters (formerly known as Rubicon) for the last couple of days. The hardest Font 5 in the world is getting easier and while it is still nowhere near a certainty every time I did manage to chalk up half way through it. A minor success as linking into other stuff still seemed a long way away but I felt tired yesterday so not that disappointed about that. Also had a play on Dragonflight Traverse - the moves don't feel that bad but the pain in my feet was excruciating - hopefully this is down to the shoes needing to break in a bit more.

Back again today and warmed up, did the 6a+, some variation going direct to the penultimate sidepull of the former problem and then played about on the Three Tier Traverses to the right. I had thought that these were all 6b but a quick look at the Peak District Bouldering website soon knocked that idea on the head - from the top 5+, 6a and 6b+. At least that would explain why the lowest one feels monumentally hard and the two above not quite so bad. Finished off with a couple of attempts at Miller's Dale - going again to the crimp with the left not a great idea when your skin is trashed - it hurts - a lot!

Unlocking the sequence

2010-08-17T17:35:00.004+01:00

Decided to take a look at Carls Wark at Stoney yesterday. There was few reasons behind this, the first being that it was somewhere that I hadn't been before, the second was that it had easier problems to attempt. The final (and probably most compelling reason) was that I couldn't be arsed to drive to Rubicon with the intention of not going anywhere near A Millers Tale, ultimately failing to do so and end up having a rubbish session on it due to the exertions of the day before.

Given all the above I set off mid afternoon to go and locate the crag which for me proved a lot easier than the descent to it which was interesting to say the least. Once there I had a quick look at the left hand wall and decided that the 6a was a bit much for some lonesome bouldering action given it's highball rating and so attention was turned to the more amenable right wall instead. It was baking in the sun so an hour was whiled away with short bouts of brushing a few holds and forming some ideas regarding sequences and longer bouts of general idleness until the sun disappeared behind the trees. There are worse ways to lose an hour of your life I think.

It was action time - the 6a looked deceptively simple - left hand on the sidepull, right hand in the break, right foot low, cross through to an obvious foothold with the left and mantle up to the flake\sidepull with the left hand at which point it would all be over. All in all it looked far too easy for the given grade and seemed that way as my initial sequence resulting in me flowing upwards until I reached up for the flake\sidepull only to be stopped a couple of inches short and after a couple of attempts at something different dropping back to earth. OK it is probably not 6a for the tall then... Thought about it some more and then tried a higher left foot - no discernible difference to the amount of height gained so try some different handholds - same again. Tried a few more various combinations all of which resulted in tickling the very bottom of the sidepull and no more - things weren't going quite as imagined while I sat and looked upwards at the holds in the bright sunshine.

Deciding that I needed time away from this particular problem I then flashed the 4 in very bad style, again seemingly obvious moves proved to be otherwise in reality but a snatched fingerlock got it done first time. Tried a few more different ways of doing it and finally hit on one which made the grade seem feasible but more importantly that I felt did the problem justice in terms of style and movement.

From there it was a quick step right and onto the 6a+ which was similar to the 6a but the move upwards was to a slopey two finger dish for the left hand. I actually reached the dish once and kind of held it for a brief second before finding myself back on the mat with some sore fingers after they ripped out without warning. Experimented some more with foot positions without success and then back to the 6a for a final few goes which stubbornly refused to bow to my theory that I could reach the sidepull and use it.

With that a retreat was beaten back to the van and home where a few hours later while watching The Matrix (an entirely unrelated point) the one thing I hadn't tried crashed into my conscience - turning the right hand into an undercut. As far as unlocking the sequence goes it was a bit belated but if it works I take it. Hopefully it will make the 6a problem feel more stable and provide the necessary couple of extra inches of reach and there is a chance that it could work on the 6a+ as well.

Rubicon 3, Butters 1

2010-08-15T19:51:00.003+01:00

With the aid of the new shoes I finally got the warm up traverse done today - the difference a pair of climbing shoes makes over a pair of Turkish slippers is amazing. Got through to the usual point where I would be so pumped that I would just fall off with something left in the tank and grabbing a quick half rest before proceeding to the end of the hardest Font 5 in the world. Now I have finally done it the plan is to to get it a bit more wired and then there are a few options - reverse the problem, backtrack into the 6a+ or carry on through one of the three obvious lines that carry on from there. The possibilities while not being endless are many.

Then spent a while belaying the Broken Beagle on Salar which I gather is quite hard to judge by the commentary and probably used up his quota of expletives for the week in the progress. Once Broken Beagle had got the draws in and lowered off we then spent time going backwards and forwards between our main events.

For me it was the second proper session on A Millers Tale (I am discounting the last session as that was more getting the sit start wired) which made short work of my theory that it was going to go in two sessions from a stander. Am I disappointed? Not a chance - I now have the bottom section wired pretty much to the point where the moves up to the go again with the left hand is better than 50\50 every time now so progress can be measured in real terms.

Will it go in three sessions? Possibly but I am refusing to put a deadline on it now - I am just going to enjoy the problem for what it is - bloody hard but really enjoyable at the same time.

New Shoes II

2010-08-14T13:14:00.002+01:00

Out last night with Lord Sloper of Grindleford for a few beers followed by a few more beers and then to the curry house. A good night apart from handing over far too much money in forfeit for my lack of skill at Backgammon. Quite why I was playing for money is debatable as I could count the number of games of Backgammon I had played prior to last night on two hands probably so I got what I deserved to be honest.

Anyway after depositing the Sloper back in Grindleford where he could lord it over the proles once more it was off to Outside to change the too small Dragons. Luck was with me as they had a new delivery of Anasazi V2's in and so it was a choice between a half size bigger pair of Dragons or the V2's - choices, choices, choices. After much debate I went for the V2's - they just felt better overall on my random feet and while the heel of the Dragons was by far the better of the two they were also promising a world of pain in my toes until they broke in. OK the heels on the V2's are not the greatest - there is a fair bit of dead space in them and they are going to be pretty uncomfortable while they break in but the day any climbing shoe manufacturer (let alone Five Ten) produce a shoe that actually fits my heels will be a cold day in hell I suspect.

New Shoes

2010-08-13T08:29:00.005+01:00

Finally convinced myself that I could afford\wanted\had to have a new pair of climbing shoes specifically for the lime - the Five Ten Turkish slippers of doom just weren't cutting the mustard on the white stuff.

The original plan was to go for the Anasazi V2's reasoning that they are a decent pair of shoes for the lime but it seems that Five Ten are not producing them in an 8.5 at the minute. Tried a size 8 and that was a non-starter - major squashing of the toes and the 9's had enough room to fit a small child in the heel so the nice man in Outside suggested Dragon's. I had discounted these as they are super aggressive compared to both the Verde's and the Anasazi V2's and being a punter they seemed a tad excessive for what I require. Having tried them on though I found that they fit my ultra weird foot shape - think very low volume and no heel to speak of - and I can lace them down tight so after procrastinating for a while I bit the bullet. Now all I need to do is take them back and get them a half size bigger and it will be time to crush the greasy lime which will hopefully be tomorrow or Sunday if the weather plays ball.

One other piece of "news" is that I have found the colour printer at work and reasoning that it was a shame to have such a nice piece of kit sitting there and doing nowt I would put it to good use by printing off the Stoney mini guide and also the excellent St Bees North guide. Both are outstanding pieces of work (you can really feel the love that has gone into producing them) and they get you syked to go to these places and pull hard. They also shows the climbing community in a great light as these are free to download and print off (especially if you have the works printer available). Kudos to those who produce these things - reminds me that I really should think about sorting one out for Helman Tor.

Rubicon 2 Butters 0

2010-08-11T12:37:00.005+01:00

I dragged Broken Beagle down to Rubicon on Sunday after giving the idea of spending the afternoon belaying him on red point attempts of Lockless short shrift. Was a reasonably good session actually - felt OK on the traverse of doom though I have yet to complete it but it will go with some new shoes. The faithful and much loved Verde's are a fine pair of shoes for climbing on grit but when it comes to lime I have no doubt that a pair of Turkish slippers would probably offer better support.

Having said that I managed the rising traverse (given 6a+ in the guide) so well pleased with that - feel like I should probably have flashed it but got the final moves wrong and I was back on the mat. No repeat second time around - reach up, get the big sidepull\pocket and pull to glory.

From there it was back to a Miller's Tale - gave Broken Beagle the beta along with a caveat that it was possibly junk as it was "Butters specific beta" and showed him the rather improbable but ultimately awesome flag move and we were off. Me being me I decided that instead of concentrating on the stand up version and getting that in the bag I would take a quick look at the sit start which was being touted about as something like 6c reasoning that it was going to be too hard and therefore I could try it and then move on. Obviously that plan went to ruin pretty quickly as I found I could get off the ground and while the footwork wasn't obvious it was all there and so a new siege was engaged. Thankfully Broken Beagle wasn't making things look easy which the evil part of me was pleased about as it meant that time was on my side to have a good go at the sitter. Managed eventually to get one move from the standing start and that should fall into place with a bit of thought and then into the meat of the problem proper - I really am my own worst enemy at times.

Broken Beagle sent it from the sitter with one last gasp effort that I honestly thought he was going to drop on the last move after skipping a move going for the final hold. Not sure who was more amazed that he held on to be honest but he did and then we all retired for beer, Sheffield Tapas and talking rubbish - a good end to a good day.

Round Up

2010-08-09T16:07:00.007+01:00

Finally got out yesterday after the best part of two weeks where I seem to have done an awful lot of things but not one of those was going climbing.

The weekend before last was taken up with Broken Bell End Berry's stag do. Arrived back in Suffolk on the Friday night (it was raining so no stop over at Pleasley on the way through) and straight down town for a few beers and a few frames of snooker which went rapidly downhill as we were playing for shorts. Ended up getting quite remarkably drunk and falling in more than one ditch on the way home which in retrospect was not the greatest of ideas.

The stag do started where it had left off the day before for us and then proceeded to Norwich where there were far more fit women there than I had expected - as the great McFiend once said (of somewhere else entirely) "it was wall to wall flange". If there was anything in Norwich worth climbing then I would be heading there every weekend but there isn't so that rules that out. It is also full of the old enemy - namely supporters of Norwich City F.C. so another good reason not to go.

Sunday drove back and Monday was the start of four of the hardest shifts I have worked in a while - it was one of those where lots of things just went wrong one after the other. To say I glad to have got those out of the way was an understatement!

Friday I just felt awful - one suspects that the result of falling in too many ditches the weekend before was one of those summer colds that seem to knock the very life out of you for 24 hours and for those of you who are thinking man flu it was so bad I actually refused an offer of going to the pub for a quick beer.

The other thing about Friday was that I had a dog to look after. Damien McDoom is one of those dogs who is a fine beast (unless he's trying to steal my bacon sarnie) but who, ultimately, proves to be totally rubbish as a climbers dog as you have to pay far too much attention to him to to be able to concentrate on anything else. With that in mind it a quick nine mile walk out from Hathersage to Bretton and back via Abney and over Shatton Moor was of the order of the day. Stopped for an obligatory pint at the Barrel (great pub but doesn't sell pork scratchings) and then back to Sheff for a couple in the Sheaf (even better pub and does sell pork scratchings) afterwards. A nice day out with spells of sun and showers though it was incredibly humid at times - that combined with the after effects of the cold I had made any hill seem like a true effort. Lord only knows what the people we met coming the other way thought of us...

Sunday I will deal with in another post tomorrow - thinking of the Sheaf has put me in mind of beer.

Deviant Behaviour

2010-07-27T21:27:00.005+01:00

My name is Butters - today I went bouldering at Stoney Middleton and to my eternal shame I enjoyed myself - I am a deviant.

Tomorrow I will be at Stanage Popular End flagellating myself with birch twigs in an attempt to cure this shameful behaviour.

Rubicon 1, Butters 0

2010-07-24T21:00:00.003+01:00

Back to Rubicon today with the intention of having another go at the start of A Miller's Tale - met Ru and Sarah on the walk in and had a quick chat with them and then onwards to a deserted crag. Most surprising - just the crag and me which retrospectively was probably just as well.

Tried the warm up traverse and it is starting to feel a bit more like the Font 5 that it is given in that I am getting that bit further into the meat of the problem consistently but still haven't done it yet which is a bit frustrating. I really should be able to do a Font5 in less time than this even if it is a big pumpy traverse on polished footholds.

That's not the point though - the point was that I climbed like I was made of lead - mega flash pump straight from the off and after ridding my arms of the worst of that I tried again with similar results. After the second attempt I decided that getting on A Miller's Tale was not going to happen and so settled in for a stamina (hah!) session for an hour or so with long rests in between each attempt.

A Miller's Tale

2010-07-21T23:32:00.005+01:00

The weather was actually good enough to go climbing today after the spell of Northern summer that we have been experiencing since I got back from my brothers wedding. Given this unseasonable spell and wishing to take full advantage of it, it was off to Rubicon with the Flipper to see what was what.

Ran into the Lagerstarfish at the crag and had a chat with him - got a recommendation for a 6b to look at sometime soon and after the usual sitting about and cogitating it was onto the "easy" traverse to warm up. It actually felt OK today which was nice - the last time I was on it I just got beasted and it felt hard as nails but even with a better feel to it, it is still nowhere near the 5 (or 5+) grade it gets given as far as I am concerned. Sat about some more and got chatting to a guy I met at Owler Tor a few months back - turns out his name is Chris which he probably told me last time but since he couldn't remember my name either I refuse to feel bad about it. More dossing ensued while we watched three guys make Rubicon Wall look piss and then it was off to have a look at A Miller's Tale.

It is just one of those problems where you look at it and think it will be interesting. Felt the starting holds and tried a few different ways of starting it before settling on a method that allowed me to be pretty static and then it was a matter of sticking my right foot on the huge but a bit polished foothold and trusting it. The first couple of times I slid off the side of it experiencing a rather painful knee\limestone interface in the process but once I had gained a bit of trust in it then it was just a matter of trusting it some more. Semi static move to the good sidepull, compress across the shoulders to stay on and then drop a huge flag out to the right with the left foot - just one of those moves where the more you do it the better it gets - it's truly beautiful. Once you have done this and you realise you are still on the wall then go with the left hand to the slot as static as possible which if you have done everything right should feel relatively easy (well easy as it can anyway).

It is at this point where the hard work kicks in - it feels (to me anyway) that the obvious move is to go again with the left hand which contradicts the "accepted science" behind climbing movement and the fact that I am blowing the foothold when I hit it backs this up. The solution? Ignore "accepted science"! Compress some more on that sidepull and pull that bit harder on the "good" crimp you hit with the left - sometimes you have to ignore the science and just go with what feels right. Plaster that foot back on and get stable then strike the next crimp with the right hand and that was about as far as it went tonight - I held the crimp with the right once and it feels pretty good but probably more important is that I feel the problem will go.

Roll on Friday when round two commences - as for the fact that I seem to be enjoying the perversity that is polished Peak Limestone? Just treat it like "accepted science"...

Best Man's Speech of Doom

2010-07-14T12:28:00.003+01:00

The speech finally hit my in box on Friday though I was not aware of its arrival till the Saturday when I logged on. This is partly down to the appalling mobile phone coverage that afflicts Suffolk and in equal parts due to me not bothering to charge my phone. Anyway it was there at last but a hectic rush on the Saturday meant that I wrote it out long hand between 2PM and 3PM that afternoon with the intention of going over it a few times when time allowed. Time subsequently allowed me nothing and the first chance I got to look at it was when I was called upon to present it to the assembled masses at the wedding. It was at this point I froze - it would be no exaggeration to say that I completely and utterly seized and wished that the ground would open up and swallow me. After what seemed like an eternity of looking at these sheets of paper that had somehow translated themselves in a fit of spite to a combination of hieroglyphics and Cyrillic script and a couple of false starts I put the offending sheets back in my pocket and came up with what I could remember off the top of my head.

Quite what I said I have no idea but it seemed to work - I am now hoping that no one recorded the event and it will eventually become the stuff of legend and myth and that will be that.

Other than my dying at the vital moment it all went swimmingly well as far as I can remember.

Countdown

2010-07-08T11:20:00.003+01:00

Two days and counting till my brothers wedding - just got to get the rest of the seemingly millions of things I have got to do sorted and that will be that.

The speech is sort of written - I decided in my infinite wisdom that I would combine things that I really don't like doing (writing a speech) with things I do like doing (having a pint in the Sheaf). A great plan in theory and it all started so well till about the third pint at which point my already limited resources of inspiration dried up. Ended up getting rather drunk and something that was passable at best so I got on the phone to the Dear Boy Philip and with the promise of beer as a reward asked him to edit it out for me. This has been done but as yet no speech has been mailed back to me - when I spoke to him last night he had done the editing but his laptop was running out of battery and he was about to board a ferry to France. Therefore he was going to try and charge the battery on the ferry and then send the revised speech back to me using WiFi from a Maccy D's or somewhere similar when in France. Mmmm.

Plan for the rest of today is to get all the odd jobs out of the way and then spend an hour or so at Pleasley doing a few problems - hopefully it will be in nick as we had a fair bit of rain yesterday but since it has been so dry I can't imagine that there will be much run off or seepage. From there it is back south to the sounds of Adam Beyer, Laurent Garnier and a few other choice DJ sets to keep me sane.

Wish me luck - I have the feeling that I am going to need it...

Odd and sods

2010-07-05T16:34:00.004+01:00

Another set of four night shifts has been consigned to history and the countdown to my brothers wedding starts - I have the basis of the best man's speech written down and so once I have finished rambling here I have got to crack on with that.

I woke up last Thursday in what can best be called an absolutely foul mood - quite what was causing it I have no idea but I needed to do something so I went down to Rubicon to have another go at the traverse. I have now managed to complete the second part once which is kind of good in some ways, slightly depressing in others but the reality is that it got me out of my mental state of hubris which was all I really wanted from the day. Started off by throwing a beer mat on the ground a couple of moves past my highpoint (surely a contradiction with a traverse) and made that first time which I was pleased about so moved it down to the red streak as my next aim. Cue lots and lots of failure - I just kept getting swamped with a tsunami of pump once I hit the second section and while I knew it was over gripping that was causing it knowing this doesn't actually mean that you can stop it. Time for a change of plan - I knew that I had the first section pretty much wired so decided to eliminate that and start at the end and work the second section. I also admitted to the fact that I have got no stamina at the minute and so I sat about for ages (think along the lines of epochs here) getting my feeble arms to a non-pumped state and then put myself on timed burns at it. The plan was to have an attempt and then give myself five minutes recovery time before the next go - it says a lot that five minutes wasn't enough for my forearms to recover but the only way to get better is to push a bit harder outside of the comfort zone. Somewhere in this torturous set of attempts I managed to get past the beer mat to the end of the second section proper - it was just agonised slapping from one good handhold to the next with the sole aim of making one more move, moving feet and repeating until failure but it felt good all the same. Nice setting with a bit of a breeze and sunshine followed by a fantastic pint of Barnsley Bitter and some Sheffield tapas - welcome back to humanity.

Yesterday I watched the finals of the Bouldering World Cup on the internet - I wanted to be there in person but stuff got in the way so had to settle for the streamed experience instead. All in all it was good - the only real criticism I had was that they really should have the clock showing so that you know how long the competitors have left to attempt the problem but it worked well other than that. Some of the comments on the "chat" function were also amusing - various comments abounded about the first men's problem as it featured the ignoble art of chimneying and a lot of people just couldn't get the fact that you can set a good problem on something that is not 45 degrees overhanging minimum.

Seeing the beast that is Adam Ondra casually dispatch the first three problems was equally dismaying and welcomed as it meant that full attention could be transferred to Natalija Gros instead who in her own way is equally beastly. The way she did the crux move on the second (I think) problem was a sight to behold. While all the other competitors went for leaping across in various states of gazelle like grace she just did the splits across the two holds, got what looked a less than ideal handhold, crushed it and rocked over somehow - a fine effort indeed.

The other huge surprise was Ondra falling off the last problem not once but twice - the crux was reminiscent to the start of the crux to Tody's Wall (the move onto the block) but a bit harder and then getting a huge hold out behind your head. Once you figured out that you had to be facing the huge hold and dropping onto it then the rest of the problem was "easy" in comparison but seeing Ondra fail to flash it after the ease with which he dispatched the other three final problems was somehow shocking.

Right - better crack on with the best man's speech. Back to Rubicon tomorrow to see if progress can be made on the traverse and try a few other problems I think and then Pleasley on Thursday as it is only a short diversion from there on the way back South.

Stoney Madness

2010-06-29T14:33:00.003+01:00

Following the demise of England's world cup bid (which I seem to be unashamedly happy about) it's back to the old routine of being a punter. At this time of year this involves pulling hard on half decent holds and standing on ones that are mightily polished and where finer to do this than at the hallowed temple of polish that is Minus Ten at Stoney.

Leaving Sheffield I wasn't feeling too excited about it all - I was feeling tired after drinking too much the night before to try and erase the memories of the worst England team ever to play in a World Cup (I now know the Scot's feel when they qualify) and it was baking hot. Getting out to the Peak it had deteriorated to hot and cloudy and humid beyond belief but having parked the van and walking up the High Street a gentle breeze was blowing so it didn't seem so bad. That lasted till we got to Minus Ten where the magical zephyrs so prevalent only a moment before had disappeared again and all we were left with was super sweaty limestone to flail on. Well we were there so flail we did - the middle of the traverse was dispatched (didn't bother with the left hand part) and then I tried the final moves though Pinch 2 which is the crux of it all and a fair degree harder than the rest by a long way. Got a half sequence going but really not drilling my right foot onto the hold for the crux and so was subsequently barn dooring off and try as I might the syke really wasn't there to try harder.

All quiet on the Western Front

2010-06-26T10:57:00.005+01:00

Not the combo double bonus route at Almscliffe but in general.

Finally recovered from my brothers stag do midway through Monday and was hopeful that the van was going to be sorted so that I could go and beast myself at Rubicon. No such luck as they couldn't get the drive shaft for that day so it would have to wait till tomorrow for delivery.

Tuesday came and it brought with it the wrong part which didn't make me very happy. Up till this point I had been relatively sanguine about the fact that the drive shaft had already been removed days earlier to have the clutch replaced only to get bolted back on and then being subsequently warned that it was very close to fucked. Now I was just bloody annoyed - another day that I can't get out and go climbing and it was then I remembered the Heeley boulder. It may not be much but at least it can be climbed on and it will do when you can't get anywhere else - needs must and all that.

From a visit a long time ago I remembered the Heeley boulder as being a bit shit and while a return visit didn't exactly dispel those memories it didn't prove to be as bad as I expected. If you use a bit of imagination it can be quite useful actually as it's steep, the crimps are big enough to be of some value if you have not crimped for a while and the Sheaf is minutes away for a post training pint. It will do as a training for the greater ranges and all that.

Aftermath

2010-06-21T11:21:00.003+01:00

This weekend was my brothers stag do organised by yours truly - no calls to bail anyone out so I think we all survived the occasion which given the state of Ballooner was bordering on miraculous. Over the course of two days I drank an awful lot of beer, ate some curry, repeatedly texted some poor person whose phone number I had mistakenly entered into my phone, and looked at some scantily clad women. Recovery is still taking place and I am going bouldering tonight assuming the van is sorted by then - it is unlikely to be a very productive session but all in all a rather successful weekend...

Sublime slime II

2010-06-06T21:18:00.004+01:00

The weather cleared out this afternoon so decided to hit Pleasley with the Flipper. The overnight rain had left the crag a bit wet at the bottom with the odd hold seeping but the majority of the crag was climbable though any cloud cover resulted in a greasy collection of positive holds to try and hold on to. Still turned out to be a good session though - checked out the left hand side buttress which has a few good lines to go at, made a bit of progress on the big traverse and my footwork seemed to be on the ball. All good stuff and as an added bonus we managed to get back to the van about five minutes before the next bout of monsoon rain passed through.

I now feel like I have been run over by a small train and while I won't be going to work at 7PM tomorrow night with great joy etc. at least I will know that I cranked hard on my off days.

Sublime slime

2010-06-06T10:29:00.002+01:00

With the heat building up to the levels of a blast furnace it was time to say goodbye to the grit for the summer months and start on a new journey - that of learning (maybe relearning) the intricacies of limestone. I have had a brief play on the white stuff this year but lime has always been a harsh master for me and has only got worse given my steady diet of grit bouldering for too long. Too long off from stuff involving a bit of string and some chunky quickdraws have left me with absolutely no crimp strength and even less endurance.

In an effort to rectify this I am forcing myself to love the lime and I am slowly getting there - spent Friday night bouldering at Rubicon for the first time with the Flipper. A really lovely setting to say the least and the long, long, long traverse gave me a very pumped set of forearms but thankfully not quite as pumped as those experienced on "Sock it to 'em" at Smalldale which took pumped to a whole new level. The traverse is notable for looking piss and being decidedly not piss - it is subtly steeper than you think it is, the hand holds are generally huge and the footholds are not. After an hour and a half I was pretty trashed and for my sins I had managed to work the first part (of four) to the big sidepull flake to a point where I was happy with the sequence. From there I then managed to link half way into the second part where it gets steeper and the ability to put the weight through your feet and hit the footholds both precisely and quickly starts to become more urgent. From this point is unknown but it is not going to get any easier for sure.

Saturday was on more familiar ground at Horseshoe with Broken Beagle. Decided that seconding and focussing on decent footwork was going to be of more use to me than getting scared on lead. Pale Rider (6a) went clean but placed far too much emphasis on pulling hard instead of using my feet, Schools Out (6a+) went better but got the sequence wrong towards the top, fought back to get into a position to try and make the move but lack of arms saw me off and finally Rotund Rooley (6b allegedly) beasted the living daylights out of me. No way is it 6b - for someone of my stature it's somewhere closer to 6b+ as far as I am concerned - the crux felt Font6b on it's own. Grade debating aside it was the best burn of the day - less over gripping and the footwork seemed OK up to that point so reasonably pleased.

Today is a rest day as the first storm of the summer arrived in a rather noisy fashion this morning.

True Story

2010-06-02T08:13:00.001+01:00

I stole a rabbit from a pet shop the other day.

Thinking about making a run for it...

BOOM BOOM!!

I like this joke so much that I am going to use it in my best man's speech for my brother.

Slaying Demons

2010-05-28T10:58:00.003+01:00

Every time I go to Curbar I think to myself that today is going to be the day that Strawberries moves from the "Things I should have done ages ago" pile to the "Thank god I finally got that done" pile. Yesterday it finally got moved - a subtle adjustment of the left foot allowed me to get the higher slot for the left hand in control (for such a small adjustment it is ridiculous how much of a difference it made) and then just pulled hard and hit the jug. BANG!!

At this point it falls to the mighty Dobbinator to sum up proceedings:

"...all you can do is try not to listen to the voices going 'this is the one! you did that move well, this could be it' and then when you get past the hard bit and find yourself shaking out on the 'easy but droppable' bit then the voice changes to be saying 'dont fluff it now, you know you did before...' and again, the voice gets a pillow on its face, and you push on. I felt more tired as I did the final moves than i have before, I felt wild, like I wasnt climbing well but somehow fought on regardless and then bosh! i was on the jug, swinging around at the top having finished the problem. The crowd didnt go wild, there was no roar of satisfaction but finally it was done. A warm glow of success spread slowly through my limbs in the minutes afterwards. Brilliant."

It was all of that and worse - Curbar has been a witness to some fine examples of shit climbing at times (most provided by me) but a new base line was reached yesterday. All the memories of the last time I made it to this point only to fall off came back to haunt me - I would have struggled to smother the voices with all of the stock contained within Mr Wong's Duvet Emporium let alone a single pillow. There was no way I was dropping it this time and reaching deep within myself I plumbed the murky depths of rad and syke. Finding something I hauled like a team of wild horses on the huge hand holds and without an iota of care for style or anything else I just dragged my useless feet behind me and onto the top of the block. Style? Who needs it...

From there it was off to The Ultimate Gritstone Experience where normal service was resumed - made it to my usual highpoint and that was that. One day I will figure out what I am supposed to do with my right foot when I get to the lip but success was proving elusive yesterday - a man can only slay so many demons in a day.

YYFY

2010-05-27T23:36:00.002+01:00

More tomorrow....

Round up

2010-05-23T08:49:00.007+01:00

Well the laptop got sorted - more memory arrived, was fitted, iTunes stuff was removed and a new build of XP that had been put on a severe diet by nlite was slapped on. Take that virus ridden, under powered laptop!

Climbing - went to Pleasley Vale to see what it was like and the answer is rather good indeed and far better than the area we had to travel through to get there. It was a bit of a shock to travel through a rather awful housing estate to then suddenly find yourself in pristine English countryside and the only thing that marred the experience of the last couple of miles were the biggest sleeping policemen of ever. They would be classed as mountains in Lincolnshire!

Anyway welcome back to the limestone (or some geological variation thereof truth be told) and prepare for decent handholds and very shiny footholds. Was good to get reacquainted with the lime once the conditions improved - it was like a 30 foot high bar of soap when we arrived. Surprisingly there were other people there as well which we didn't expect to see - in fact during the course of the evening quite a lot of people came and went and a good time was had by all. Nice to see the place is being restored with a great deal of care and attention by Tony Simpson after the problems of last year.

Lastly I am rather pissed off at the minute due to my box of Cheerios deciding to "commit suicide" from the second floor window of our office resulting in no breakfast for me till Waitrose opens at 10AM. Bugger, arse, bollocks and all that.

Waiting for the man.

2010-05-17T13:49:00.005+01:00

Currently waiting for UPS to attempt delivery of the much needed memory for my brothers woefully underpowered laptop.

A short story of the laptop - it was brought up North to be seen to as it was running slowly even by it's own awful standards and a "quick" look over revealed that it had a massive 256Mb of RAM in it. Given that it has a sticker on it that states it is "Designed for XP" this has to be absolute minimum spec to run XP - even without seeing it try and run anyone with an iota of computer knowledge can appreciate that this is a laughable statement - one that is firmly encamped in LOL territory! Anyway I managed to strip off the old AV which had died horribly and then removed 33 various viruses and lord only knows what else from the hard drive. Also ripped off a shed load of old programs that hadn't been used since it was built (circa 2006) and just generally cleaned it up. While this made some improvement to the overall running speed it was still shit so I told my brother that he was going to have to spend some money on it and then proceeded to order a whole 1Gb of memory to max it out.

And so we reach the present - waiting for the man to deliver the goods. Once the memory is installed all the iTunes stuff can hopefully be removed from the hard drive and once that is done it is going to be time to learn how to use nlite and rebuild it with a massively stripped down version of XP.

Should be fun...

The Walnut

2010-05-14T11:42:00.004+01:00

Broken Beagle could be described as the man who is angling for the lead role in The Mummy does Grit if the amount of tape he wraps round his digits is anything to go by at the minute. Should you have some spare cash laying about at the minute I recommend investing in stocks of the company who makes Strappel tape as they are going to turn in a big profit this year!

Anyway that's by the by - met up with the aforementioned Broken Beagle yesterday with the intention of bouldering at Burbage but that idea was shot down by rain on the way out so it was off to Curbar to seek drier conditions. Once we got there we were greeted by clear skies and a decent breeze and the plan became The Walnut - F6c of overhanging low level traversing fun on big holds. Both of us had been on it before briefly last year and I thought that Broken Beagle was going to make short work of it as he lanked his way along only to get hideously pumped and dropping it toward the end - something that was to happen repeatedly throughout the afternoon. I wasn't making such serene progress and spent most of the session trying to work the sequence out for my feet on the initial part which was just bloody frustrating at times given my complete inability to recall what I did on the last try. I would get something working and then have to try and recall what I had just done. By the end of the session I had something that I was happy with but it seemed a lot of work of what probably amounts to four feet of progress on a 20+ foot boulder problem. Still it is a good problem and one that can be worked in sections easily enough so next visit will be to remember the sequence for the first part, get something working on the next part and try and link the two together. Finished off the session with a pint at the Millstone and then home - not a bad way to finish the day.

Being a gaylord

2010-05-06T09:45:00.005+01:00

Met up with McFiend yesterday armed with trad gear, sport gear and a bouldering mat as the weather was looking a tad ominous and so having as many options available as possible seemed like a good idea. After a while spent talking and generally catching up we went off to have a look at Hen Cloud but bailed before we got to the crag as it was plainly obvious that it wasn't going to be in nick - Hen Cloud was in the cloud so to speak.

Therefore plan B was put into operation - Smalldale Quarry for some bolted action and while the thought of climbing in a grotty quarry of bolted limestone wasn't the most thrilling of things to be doing but it was better than nothing. McFiend showed that he had not lost any of his ability to climb in a grotty quarry of bolted limestone with relative ease which was more than could be said for me - decided to warm up on a 5 and it kicked my arse! This can be put down to many things - having concerns about my shoulder before starting off, not being on a piece of string since Wales last year, having no routes fitness and being plainly unfit in general, too much drinking in the days previous and a 450 mile round trip to look at a van two days earlier. All of these factors contributed to a massive display of punterness, featuring overgripping, swearing, reading the route badly and getting hideously scared. My forearms felt like they had been remade out of super compressed lead by the time I got to the second bolt and it didn't get much better the rest of the way as I dogged up the route in a style that would be called in a fit of extreme charity haphazard.

McFiend then made short work of something else and it was my second lead of the day, this time weighing in at a mighty 6a and it went much better (it couldn't have gone any worse). Still got pumped, still got scared and still had a real struggle reading the route but managed to make it to the fourth bolt and was inches off the 5th before having to downclimb and rest when I couldn't figure out the sequence - it later transpired that I missed an undercut which would have allowed me to clip the bolt. After resting I looked at the route some more - I couldn't see a way of getting to the fifth bolt and even if I had it looked like some nasty run out slab climbing to the top (there was a bolt but I couldn't see it). Taking this into consideration I decided that I had put myself through enough trauma for the day and the thought of taking a huge whipper on a slab going for the top had zero appeal so I backed off.

Overall it wasn't a wasted day - the shoulder injury seems to be fine after treatment last week, I got back on a piece of string again and didn't do that badly considering I was in pretty bad shape overall - it just needs more application and a bit more time getting used to grotty quarried bolted limestone. I must be mad...

Back on the trad gang?

2010-05-05T09:56:00.006+01:00

Fiend is in the area and is keen to be doing some trad bollox today. I volunteered myself for action after sinking three pints of the Sheaf's finest anaesthetic to combat the ill effects of driving to Ashford (Kent) and back on Monday to look at a van for a mate.

I am now feeling the full effect of that little 450 mile round trip as it would appear that myself and VW seats were not designed to exist happily together for any long period of time. This situation is probably not helped by the fact that my seat did 148k with a fat Lancastrian arse sat on it prior to me taking ownership of pROJECT mAYHEM so somewhere in between now and Font I need to find a replacement seat that I can live with for more than a few miles to bolt into place. Quite when that will be is open to debate as my next task is to get a couple of quotes for the clutch to be replaced and a service done. Fuck me it's expensive owning a van but at least with those tasks out of the way the clutch won't need doing for another 60k+ and the service is good for 20k. If that wasn't enough I worked out yesterday that I will have to get the cam belt done in the next 10k miles. I will enquire about the cost while getting the other work done but I suspect it is going to be a horror show of a job (read as bloody bastard expensive) and it will have to wait for another few miles as yet before the money becomes available.

Also getting the boys trip to Font under starters orders - Lord Sloper of Grindleford has decreed that he will be there from Monday to Friday so now it is time to start getting the ferry booked, get the Gite sorted and the rest of the stuff under way. Damn I am syked for this trip but first I need to get the stag do for my brother arranged as that is only six (or seven, if luck is with me) weeks away.

So much to do and so little time and I have just remembered that I have got to drive to Portsmouth and back on Monday - my bones are aching at the thought of it all...

Will it blend?

2010-04-30T16:58:00.003+01:00

Got recommended this site by a mate - in a nut shell it is a rather amusing sales pitch for a blender. However it is no ordinary blender this is the Chuck Norris of the blender world as you can see below:

Will it blend an iPad?

Not too much of a problem. Will it blend glow sticks?

Yep - Bic Lighters could be amusing...

Damn that is one good blender!

World Police And Friendly Fire

2010-04-29T09:53:00.002+01:00

Probably would have been better off titling this "OW" but it sounds rather boring so I have appropriated another song title from GY!BE in an effort (quite probably wasted) to appear interesting.

Anyway the shoulder is hopefully sorted - just a minor strain that had caused some sort of random chain reaction throughout the rest of my shoulder which was affecting my ability to lock off and the like. Thirty minutes of massage, ultrasound and general manipulation of my spine and neck seems to have knocked the worst out of it though it is rather stiff this morning to say the least. As a result it looks like no climbing for the next few days - just a fair degree of after physio stuff and then test it out and maybe another session of physio. Hurrah!

Broken Horse on Kicking Hill

2010-04-28T14:50:00.006+01:00

Went to Owler Tor yesterday (or is it Over Owler Tor) for a bimble about and to try a couple of the easier lines that I haven't done yet. Upon arriving I was most surprised to find that I wasn't the only one there but instead had to share the crag with someone. Was nice seeing someone else up there - chatted for a while and gave a bit of beta for a couple of the problems with the usual caveat that I am crap and tend to make easy things hard. The crimp on Wafery Flake felt pretty bad but even had conditions been better I think I would have struggled - I have noticed lately that I am not getting any power through my legs and this is one of those problems that require it as well as the ability to pull on a poor crimp. Throw in a recurrence of a slight shoulder problem that I have had for the last month as an additional excuse and it really wasn't going down.

Having failed so miserably it would have been prudent to just bugger off home and sack off the day but instead I decided to bail to Apparent North to try and another one of my projects - the Lower Cube Traverse. Looking back it was a pretty dumb idea - here I am nursing a tweaky shoulder and trying a problem that is pretty shoulder intensive. Had a couple of goes - realised that it was not doing me any favours whatsoever and then decided to do a few old faves and then sacked it off.

Felt pretty dispirited about it all when I left - I didn't climb badly but then I wouldn't go as far as saying I climbed well either - I just felt that I hadn't achieved what I wanted to. Still the one good thing to come out of it is that I am off to see John to get the problem looked at tonight - it has been coming and going for the best part of a month now and it is time to get it resolved.

Stardate -312682.191780822

2010-04-27T10:42:00.002+01:00

According to my one constant reader I can not live on syke alone but must combine it with lots of rad to live a healthy balanced life. Given this sage advice I have been trying to do more rad which is proving easier now that the van is insured again though the levels will drop when the credit card bill falls through my letter box.

But that is an aside - got out to Burbage North with the Flipper last night. Warmed up on the first main wall or to be slightly more honest got scared doing 4a moves above a mat that seemed to be the size of a postage stamp and then down-climbed again. Made lots of excuses that this was antagonistic training etc. and wandered down the crag to the Three Bears.

I have blogged about the Three Bears before - 9 problems which are slightly scrittly but nice enough climbing between breaks. It is one of those crags where the short and\or those not having much confidence in their footwork will suffer but I just about got away with it and sent all of the problems except the easiest which we deemed rubbish yarding between huge holds and therefore beneath us.

From there we went onto the Cube block situated about 50 yards back up the valley. I had tried the left hand problem before given a grade of Doodle Bug 1 (5b) and thought at the time it was way out but put it down to thin skin or some such thing. Revisiting it last night proved that it is almost certainly undergraded - it is tough, balancy, steep and the footholds are almost non-existent above the low break. As Flipper put it - either we are climbing really badly or it isn't 5b. Regardless of that it is a striking problem and one that I am going to keep revisiting as I made a bit of progress on it last night and managed to get to the second break static once. The break isn't good but it could be worse and I was able to hang it and match it but it all went a bit wrong after that as my feet popped and I hung in there in a style not dissimilar to that of Wile E. Coyote - feet thrashing away desperately trying to get something to stick before dropping off. Therein lies the other issue with this problem - the landing slopes away and falling off from higher up is going to result in a slide down the valley (hopefully with the bouldering mat) that Johnny Dawes would be proud of. Knowing this isn't helped by having looked at it from the side - the third break isn't any better than the second and the top is a gritstone horror show of slopeyness. Going to need a lot of rad and syke to get it topped out for sure.

Unexpectedly syked

2010-04-23T00:58:00.005+01:00

It has to be said that the power of the SYKE is strong at the minute - probably due to the weather being gloriously sunny and just plain pleasant. A fine time to be out on the grit for the afternoon before rolling into work at 7PM feeling battered but elated that yet another project has been dispatched you would think. Unfortunately for me the current spell of glorious weather has also arrived at the time where shit needs to be done like obtaining van insurance and other assorted things that can only be done during the day as that is when normal people work.

It has to be said that it's a real ball ache having to hunt around to get a decent price for these things and even more so when the usual comparison websites don't come up with a better price immediately. However thanks to modern technology you can get a few ideas of who to ring for a modified van quote that will not be the monetary equivalent of rape. Anyway the van insurance will be in the bag by tomorrow night at a whacking £150 cheaper than the renewal quote.

From there it is the start of organising my brothers stag do which is less than 2 months away . We have a plan and now my poor credit card is going to have to start putting it into action - I feel for my credit card.

One really good thing was that I got the EGR (Exhaust Gas Recirculation - a bloody stupid idea at the best of times) blanked off on the van. Took about an hour and the difference is amazing - I have something that could be called torque below 2000 revs now. Bloody brilliant mod and on the grand scale of expense that the van has been at times it was worth every part of the seven odd quid it cost me for the plate and the sealant. It is so good it almost makes it worth while not being able to go climbing...

Mr. Smooth pictures

2010-04-19T19:13:00.005+01:00

Cheers to the Monk of Crush for forwarding these onto me - thankfully they don't show the true wobbliness of the ascent.

I should also explain the enormous Lapis brush as mentioned in the title of the previous post. The Monk of Crush mentioned that he had got hold of this Lapis brush on the drive up but thought nothing more of it until I saw it at the crag. It is actually a shoe brush of some description and not only is it huge but it is also a seriously effective piece of kit. Maybe the Mammut boys will buy some as they have been reportedly plastering the Peak in chalk while doing some very fine ascents.

The story of the enormous Lapis brush and other tall tales.

2010-04-18T23:03:00.005+01:00

Hit Caley today with Broken Beagle (who was adopting a state of extreme mummification on more than one digit) and the Monk of Crush a.k.a. Tim (he doesn't drink and he's done 7c+) and had a bloody blinding day. Warmed up and everything seemed to going rather well so off to the ultra classic Font6a Mr. Smooth - got to my highpoint (or not very highpoint) on the first attempt and then got it in the bag on the second go. As soon as my left foot stuck on the slopey hold I just went into auto pilot and hit the top grinning like a loon. The Monk of Crush (who had gone to pray to his gods for lots of success or to answer a call of nature at the moment of my beastliness) asked me if I had used the arête to which my reply was "Buggered if I know". Armed with a bit of beta from myself he then proceeded to flash it in some style.

From there I tried the Font6b on The Horn and having made some progress but not feeling that confident it was off to the Roof of The World area. Perhaps it was the rarefied atmosphere that little bit higher up the crag which did it but once there I dispatched Font6b first time and quickly followed that up with a two try success on another. In all honesty they felt a lot closer to Font6a (flash) and Font6a+ with a dodgy landing to me so in all honesty I don't know if I can claim to have finally done Font 6b yet. Would be made up if I have and doubly so if I finally did it with a flash attempt but there is a bit of a lingering doubt in my mind.

After that I chilled and did some spotting and then it was back to pROJECT mAYHEM to go for a well earned pint. This was where things started to go a bit wrong as I stuck the keys in the ignition to get the stereo going (maybe to show it off a bit) and after that I just slammed the back doors shut and said goodbye to Berie, Joy, associated kids and the dog. Having done that we then went to get into pROJECT mAYHEM only to find that it was locked very, very shut - fuck, fuck, fuck! I have no idea how it happened but we found ourselves by the Road of Death on the outside of a van with the keys in the ignition and me feeling like a prize pillock. Cue a call to the AA and 40 minutes of standing about feeling rather sheepish until a "Very, very nice man" got back into the van and let us go on our way.

Burbage North tomorrow if the weather holds good - what can possibly go wrong?

Grit

2010-04-17T11:17:00.009+01:00

Had my first session on the grit for a while last night at the Burbage boulders with Flipper. Nothing hard went down - more a matter of doing the old favourites and getting back into the swing of things really but a really pleasant spring evening bimbling about and watching someone trying hard on Goliath and taking some decent falls more than once in the process. Don't think it went down but kudos to whoever it was for getting back on it repeatedly in what sounded like an increasingly frustrating experience.

Did all the stuff on the back of the Cobra block and then did the traverse. Not sure if the traverse is a first for me - I can't recall doing it before but what is sure was that it was a tick of awesome ineptitude - feet skittering and generally looking like a grade A punter on it - welcome back to grit! From there went onto the Pock block, Pick went down easily, Pock went down with a display of excessive crimping and pulling hard as it had been sat in the sun all day and then we got rather scared on Pock Man. Now this is a problem that I have done before (and fell off an equal number of times) and I want to do it in a better style than just stretching like there is no tomorrow and walking my fingers over the top but last night was not going to be the night - after a few attempts we succumbed to the fear and walked on.

After that we did a few problems on the Brick, a few on the Pig and finished off at the Tank boulder. Finally got some decent beta on the traverse of this and now have a method of doing the drop down to the side pull - it's still a bit stretched but it's doable - just got to get the footwork a little better and hopefully one of my many projects can be laid to rest.

Today is a rest day, I was hoping to blank off the EGR on pROJECT mAYHEM but the gasket sealant hasn't arrived in the post as hoped and then the plan looks like Caley tomorrow with Broken Beagle and then possibly a return visit to the Three Bears at Burbage on Monday with Flipper.

Bugger Blackpool!

2010-04-15T08:28:00.004+01:00

My theory was correct with regard to my wiring dilemma and after altering it to the new configuration no more blown fuses. This is good as it was getting frustrating but it also means that I have a surplus supply of 7.5 amp mini fuses so if you are ever in need of one just get in touch as I have plenty to spare.

Getting that sorted was the start of a good (albeit bloody long) weekend on pROJECT mAYHEM - finished off the wiring on the Friday, ripped out the front passengers seat, ran the wires down the B pillar, found out the wires were not long enough, extended the wires and then put everything back together again. Having got that out of the way I then ran the wires for the split relay charger under the van, found out that the conduit was not big enough to accommodate the power cable for the amps and the cable for the split charger, tried to force it anyway before giving up in frustration and deciding to cloth wrap the lot instead. Connected everything up and decided to call it a day at sometime after 7PM.

Saturday I ripped the doors apart, fitted the motors for the electric windows, dynamatted round the speaker apertures, behind the speaker apertures and also on the backs of the door cards, tidied up the wiring and then put it all back together again. Cranked up the stereo and no more rattle from the doors - RESULT!! Following that I wired up the electric windows, tested them and was surprised to say that they worked apart from a minor cock up with connecting to a permanent +ve instead of an ignition +ve resulting in taking the glove box out (again) removing the radio (again) connecting to the right wire and then removing acres of skin off the back of my hands (again) putting the radio back in. It was only a minor cock up but bejeezus it was taxing on the patience to say the least. Finally finished at nearly 8PM and was very glad to leave the lock-up and adjourn to Tesco's for a much needed bottle of wine which disappeared somewhere far too quickly for my liking.

Compared to the previous two days Sunday was a breeze, ran through a cable that I had forgotten about the day before, got the battery fitted under the passenger seat, got the split charger and all the rest of the fuse boxes and the like installed and tidied the lot up. Again it all worked so my ability to wire auto electrics is either getting better or pROJECT mAYHEM has realised that resistance is futile. Finished off by getting the other roof panel installed, bypassing a dry soldered joint to one of the lights connections and then moving the switches to the correct places on the board. Moving the switches resulted in a couple more blown fuses (not those of the 7.5 Amp mini variety though) and that was that.

Will get some pics over the next couple of days of pROJECT mAYHEM illuminations in all its glory!

Fat Knacker

2010-04-09T09:17:00.003+01:00

Quick round up of the last few days.

Climbingworks on Wednesday and a new circuit - managed 36 out of the 40 problems but I was climbing like a fat knacker to say the least. Vertical problems and slabs were OK most of the time - I managed to flash most of those but when the steepness kicked in I was a dead man walking. Flipper on the other hand flashed 38 of them and the other two he was done for by reach related issues as usual. Still it's a very good circuit all in all - technical and featuring nice movement and as an added bonus the Fiendometer quotient (flange to climber ratio) was in the high 8's - it was like your very own DFBWGC wall.

Spent yesterday blowing fuses at a rapid rate of knots trying to wire up the interior lights in pROJECT mAYHEM. Hopefully this is now going to be an issue of the past after a brainwave this morning caused me to wonder why I was so stupid in the first place to think that the way I was doing it would ever work. The new theory also makes sense in my head whereas the old one didn't - a classic scenario of being too close to something to see the obvious errors in the plan really. The best I can liken it to is someone pointing out the obvious beta to a problem that you have been sieging for ages. In retrospect it all seems so obvious but at the time you just get obsessed with a duff sequence that you think must work and it is your own failings that mean it isn't happening. All I need now is to rewire the switch and get some more fuses to test the revised plan.

Following on from that I went to see Kick Ass - a fucking excellent movie that will become a cult classic. Snappy dialogue, a great script and some really funny moments - go and see it.

BOOM!!

2010-04-05T07:53:00.004+01:00

The first of the VERY stripey roof panels is in place and once that was done then the important part of the job became a reality which was to get the rear speakers in. Now I can really see some progress being made! Couple of slight issues that I know of at the minute - one of the LED's in the panel is not working so it is just going to be a matter of time until it annoys me to the point where I am compelled to fix it. The other one is that the fade on the the radio is back to front but that is getting put down as an idiosyncrasy of pROJECT mAYHEM due to the amount of work needing to be done to correct this small error is huge.

Talking of huge - look at that little bundle of wires that I have got to sort out and connect to different switches - should be fun...

Did I mention that it sounds bloody brilliant by the way? Was a good moment when I fired up the stereo and it all sprang into resplendent tuneful life. Even so there is still the vibration from the passenger door speaker which has been reduced in annoyance levels but I still know it is there so that is going to have to be fixed soon before it really does my head in.

Stuff, stuff and more stuff.

2010-04-02T11:40:00.007+01:00

The weather actually turned out half decent yesterday afternoon so I got cracking on pROJECT mAYHEM for a while. Finished off the wiring looms and got those cable tied in so they are ready to be run down the B pillar when we eventually get a couple of consecutive days worth of decent weather whenever that will be. Also stripped out the reversing camera and painted the hole where the camera goes with a couple of coats of Hammerite to make sure that any idea of rusting is stopped in its tracks.

After that I got side tracked with a stereo wiring issue on some kids car. It has been a while since I saw a wiring job done with such a lack of skill - it was a classic example of letting a monkey do something that they have the minimal knowledge required to get the end result. Honestly the Albanian Rat Hound could have done a better job of it. As if the god awful state of the wiring wasn't enough as final insult to everything the radio had blown a fuse. The usual thing to do in this situation is to buy a new fuse and trying to figure out why it blew in the first place but the Johnny Cock-Shaft option was to wrap the fuse with a strip of copper wire! Fucking monkeys!! From what I can tell this prize piece of engineering has resulted in the live running to the radio burning out so I sent him off to buy a new fuse for the radio and an in-line fuse as I am going to have to run a new live feed in and there is no way that it is going in without some sort of safety mechanism in place. Thankfully the rain saved me from having any further dealings with it yesterday but assuming that the whole thing doesn't catch fire first it will have to be looked at soon. I can see that I will also end up sorting out his sub which has been wired in with a similar skill level from the brief look I had yesterday - expect some more prime ranting when I get round to dealing with that!

After getting away from that it was off to a really quiet Climbingworks with the Flipper - excellent session all round and contrary to expectation I flashed another CWIF problem which I was rather pleased about - probably 6a+ or really soft 6b but still got it sent first go. Did a load of other stuff - if it looked good we tried it and even though we didn't seem to be pushing it that hard I was ragged after two hours. My tips felt like they were on fire which was probably a result of trying a particularly savage CWIF problem featuring an overhanging arête and ridiculously small holds - bloody brutal and equally brilliant at the same time. One thing I can tell is that I am getting some raw power back again and what I consider to be a base level problem is going up all the time - something that I would have expected to take three or fours goes a fortnight ago I now think I should flash. The one area that's proving to be a big weakness at the minute is pulling hard on small holds (half digit sized) - I can hold them fine but just can not do anything with them which is frustrating. Anyway it will come soon I hope but I suspect that it won't be before next Wednesday...

Minimal Progress

2010-04-01T11:30:00.004+01:00

Got a bit done on pROJECT mAYHEM yesterday and was hoping for good things from the weather today but it seems to be mainly intermittent hail showers at the minute which is not good. Still one must persist so I am going to try and finish off a few small tasks in between the showers and then off to the Climbingworks tonight with Flipper and Twitter. Maybe I will flash another one of the CWIF qualifying problems though I suspect that in reality I found the one soft problem in the entire circuit and flailed up it manfully because every other problem I tried gave a whole new meaning to the expression "hard as nails".

Spaghetti anyone?

2010-03-29T23:45:00.008+01:00

Take one standard VW roof panel, drill lots and lots of holes in it, cover with nice stripey material and add LED's in a vast number. Then tape them all down nicely so that it is nice and neat.

Lovely!

Then proceed to solder them all to other bits of wire to link them together. In an effort to hide the resulting mess (or maybe to keep the wires in place) add vast amounts of duct tape.

Repeat the process on the other roof panel.

Turn over and hopefully it will look a lot neater than the back...

I have also made up three of the four wiring looms to connect stuff to the incredibly neat "magic box" that takes care of the power supply\battery charging\fuse box side of things - all I need now is for the roll of tape to turn up to wrap the loom for the reversing camera. Other than that I need to do a bit more soldering so that the reversing camera has power, remove the passenger seat, run all the looms in which you can't do this without removing the passenger seat (thanks VW) chop out five LED's that would be hitting one of the roof beams if I left them in, patch up the holes where the LED's used to be, put all the roof panels in, build the switch box so that I can turn the scores of LED's etc. on and off, wire the switch box, test everything, wire up the rear speakers, test again, run in the power supply for the "magic box", refit the passengers seat, fit the "magic box", fit the leisure battery, test some more and that will hopefully be the electrics sorted. If I have doubted my sanity at any time during the construction of pROJECT mAYHEM it is probably about now as the weather has decided fuck me over big time - it has decided that Spring has either not arrived yet or it is over for this year and we have just gone into Summer which is obviously the wet season as any climber well knows!

More 'works related stuff

2010-03-10T18:47:00.003Z

Went to the Climbingworks with Flipper and met my mate Duncan (another Duncan, not the Broken Beagle) down there. Was feeling a bit trashed after a very frustrating day sorting out the roof panel on pROJECT mAYHEM but after a few easy problems had been dispatched it was time to get on it. Did a few Black problems, some of which I had done before and some I hadn't and threw in a few Purples, Purple and Pink Spots and Reds to really work things out. All in all it was an hour and a half of relentless pulling hard and did I know about it today - I am officially trashed. Didn't bother with the campus board as that would just have been a bridge too far - getting 20 press-ups done at the end of the session near killed me as it was.

Anyway hopefully either the Black circuit or the Purple will get changed soon - the Black has been up since before Christmas and it really starting to show its age but the Purple is in as bad if not worse state. The Purple circuit is probably at the upper end of my limit but the few problems that I have done are really good - loads of slopers requiring a lot of shoulder power and a fair degree of core strength and technique as well. The problem is that it the almost unanimously slopey holds (which is half of the reason why it is so good in the first place) are now caked in multiple layers of chalk and grime. Sure they could be brushed but one suspects that it would be a full on work out just to clean half of the holds on half of the problems. Come on you Climbingworks chaps, get to it and give us some nice new circuits at our level to play on!

Bringing out the A-Game

2010-03-02T09:07:00.005Z

Saturday night featured copious amounts of beer, vodka and Red Bull before finally culminating in revisiting the Leadmill and then getting in sometime around 2.30AM armed with a greasy kebab and fries.

Given this bringing out the A-Game was never going to be much of an option when I finally joined Flipper at the Climbingworks just before 3PM the following day. In all honesty there would be a necessity to add some more letters to the alphabet to describe the sorry state that was my game when I got there and this transferred directly to my feeble thrashings on the first few greens problems in an effort to warm up. From there it was on the the remaining black problems that hadn't been done the session before and things slowly started to improve - it wasn't a tour de force by any means but at least it wasn't a total waste of an afternoon. As an after thought I decided to have a quick campus and amazed myself by being able to do 1-3-5 on the second largest set of rungs and 1-4 on my left on the largest set. 1-4 on my right was not happening though - I could hit the rung but the extra inch or so to latch it wasn't happening but all in all I was pretty impressed given I a was a fat hungover knacker! Next time the mission is to have a go at the new red circuit, nail 1-4 on my right and then try 1-4-6 on both - ah the joys of being foolish!

Bury My Beagle At Bummers Knee.

2010-02-26T10:07:00.005Z

Got out of work early last night and went to the works with the Flipper last night - turned out to be a good session all round for fat weak punters like us on the Black circuit. The black circuit has been up for ages now and still retains its brilliance but it is really bloody annoying when you are trying a problem that has had a random hold removed from it for reasons that a simpleton like me fails to understand. Why do it - surely the Climbingworks can afford more than one of every hold and not be forced to "steal" a hold from a good circuit for (I am guessing) the comp wall? Just don't do it!

Other than that managed almost half a circuit before I had to remove my climbing shoes which is great as it makes forgetting my shoes on the Wales trip and having to pay large for a new pair seem like a good plan in retrospect. Now getting them through the breaking in period and really happy with them - in fact I am so happy with them I am going to buy another pair when I can afford to which judging by the state of my bank account at the minute will be sometime after 2015.

Saw the Broken Beagle as well who was going to get an assessment from The Clinic chaps but the initial prognosis I heard was 6-8 weeks out of the game which is not good. It was obviously depressing for him as he wouldn't come down the Sheaf for a post climb pint afterwards - punter... ;-)

Edit: just got this update via the power of email about a mate who met us in the pub last night in a state that would be called merry by the extremely charitable:

"...what a mess. He stumbled around, set off home the wrong way, twatted around a bit more, fell into the kebab shop, and thats where I left him! I hastily set off up the hill not looking back. There were no bodies on the road this morning so presumably he got home."

Bless him...

Stuff

2010-02-24T08:23:00.005Z

Yesterday was a good day if you exclude the fact that I was at work. The leisure battery for the van was delivered so now I have no excuse (apart from the snow) not to start on the electrics on pROJECT mAYHEM. Mere words can not express how much I am looking forward to laying in the road and running the cable for the split charger in but once it is done then that should be that and the next stage of the conversion can start.

To add to the good news the reversing camera and monitor was also delivered and when I got home the coffee I had ordered from hasbean had arrived (super fast deliverey, would buy from again. A* etc.) so at least I will be well caffeine-ated when I am laying in the road and swearing about skinned knuckles, the general indignity of it all and the like.

Last but not least I think I have decided on the project for next winter but I won't say too much for now - I need to finish off the one that is currently occupying me and then get a good summer of climbing in first...

Other stuff

2010-02-16T10:59:00.006Z

One of the reasons that I have been out of the loop re: blogging for a while is that I have been doing stuff on pROJECT mAYHEM though not as much as I would have liked due to missing the best part of a month down to Christmas and then the wintry conditions which followed.

Another reason is that (for me at least) I have been climbing a fair bit in the last week or so. First outing was a part of a mates 40th birthday do in Wales which resulted in a first time visit to the Sheep Pen Boulders. It wasn't the most productive of trips as I had consumed what could quite rightly be called a prodigious amount of beer the night before but spending the night in the van seemed to have mitigated the worst of the ill effects that I really should have been feeling so off we went. The great plan was also hampered by yours truly forgetting to pick up his bag of climbing gear when leaving Sheffield resulting in a rather painful outlay of £80 that I really couldn't afford but the resulting day spent luxuriating in the relative painlessness obtained by going up half a size helped. Unfortunately the new shoes didn't make the walk in any easier (I thought I was Fiend I was blowing so badly) or give me access to vast amounts of previously untapped talent - if anything the talent available was even less than usual. First couple of problems got dispatched and then I had a major wobble topping something out which rather shocked me and things lulled for a while before going on to try a fair few problems at the top end of my ability and not getting too far. This was largely down to the rather awkward style of climbing on the Sheep Pen Boulders (it might be a feature of the rock but I haven't done enough in North Wales to say). This is not to say that the climbing is bad - it is very good but all of us struggled a bit to come to terms with the movement required. A few more trips to figure out how to unlock the rock and I think I could get quite good (relatively speaking) on it as it seems to suit the basics of my climbing with good edges and quite powerful moves all wrapped up in some improbable sequences. Nice! Finished off the day trying Dog Shooter which is totally my style and should go next time with a bit more commitment and a bit more fitness.

Thursday was the Climbingworks with Flipper and Beagles - tried the green and pink spots circuit which started off OK before descending at about problem 13 into a mass of nasty thrutchy oddness which really didn't find any sort of appreciation from me. Did OK though considering I had finished work at 7AM that morning - flashed one of the black and purple spots problems at about 6a+ which I was pleased with and then promptly ran out of steam. Good fun all round but it proved to me that I need to get some fitness and soon!

Saturday\Sunday was spent at Almscliff - the Saturday wasn't much fun with a baltic wind blowing in and the odd shower following it. Went to have a look at The Crucifix but the ground underneath was a churned up bog so sacked that idea, played on Flying Arête and got the start worked a bit better and then decided to sack it off to the pub as we were fed up with being cold and the weather was closing in again. Sunday was a better day - got Pork Chop Slab first time and then played around on the overhanging 6a problem from a sitter to the left until I pulled something in my shoulder\back which wasn't good. Thankfully it only seems to be a minor pull and seems to have settled down OK so just the ignominy of getting burnt off on a problem that I know should have been in the bag and finished with to cope with now.

Gah!!

How long....

2010-02-15T10:37:00.008Z

It has been nearly a month since I last rambled on so what is new in the world of butters then? pROJECT mAYHEM continues to progress and the worst of it seems to be over and the end is in sight allegedly. The rear speaker housing has been completed, the speaker cables have been belled out and once a few other tasks have been finished off the van will feature its full complement of 11 speakers but for now though I am just revelling in the sound of phat bass emanating from the working sub woofer. I finally got round to sorting out replacing the amp that was driving the sub (or not in this case), sorting out a few other minor tasks at the same time and getting the HPF's sorted with rather impressive results even though I say so myself. I am still getting a small degree of bass rattle through the passenger side speaker but I was half expecting this and it is only at very high volume so I can live with it for now. Eventually I will get round to fixing the problem permanently as is down to the door card not being fitted correctly but it is a job for a fine day as it is quite possibly the most frustrating job know to man to remove and refit the bloody thing.

Anyway here are a few pics of the rear speaker housing to be getting on with for now - I did take some of the speakers in place as well but they are rubbish so just make up some pretty pictures in your head as they are likely to be just as good as the reality.

No snow...

2010-01-22T10:33:00.002Z

No snow has meant that the sledge remains untested but at least I have been able to get back on with pROJECT mAYHEM stuff for the first time since Christmas. What I have been trying to do is build the housing for the rear speakers which has been quite simply mind-bending at times due to the proliferation of angles that exist in the back of the van. In short nothing is straight and after spending just over a day creating the first version only to realise that it was not going to work regardless of how much I tried at least I am now making some sort of progress. I have got the back made up out of ply thin enough to bend to the contours of the van and the centre section is pretty much done but that was the easy bit as you are only dealing with an angle in one direction - the fun starts with the rest where I will be dealing with angles in two directions at the same time. It is actually quite enjoyable work but progress is very slow to say the least - still another day or two should see it done hopefully and then it is on to the next stage.

Now all we need is some snow...

2010-01-11T21:27:00.003Z

Take a few pieces of scrap wood (including a section of old climbing wall) some screws, half an idea of what you are doing and finish off with a sling and carabiner - voilà a sledge that may or may not work. The initial test of giving it a quick push in the snow outside the lock up makes me think that it should be pretty good though thanks to the 6mm ply runners. Now all we need is some more snow as it is thawing far too quickly for my liking at the minute and quite possibly some big balls!.

Sledging fun

2010-01-11T11:35:00.002Z

A lot of people get wound up by the snow but with the exception of one heart stopping moment when I though that pROJECT mAYHEM was going to become a very expensive lump of broken metal I have really been enjoying it.

Spent yesterday throwing myself down the hill on a piece of plywood and some plastic sheet at Meersbrook Park with a few friends and most enjoyable it was too. Afterwards while relaxing with a leisurely pint in the Sheaf I decided to make a sledge today reasoning that I have plenty of off cuts of wood, I can't work on the van, I have the time and above all I am bored. There is also the challenge involved in making something that will achieve reasonable speed down a hill. The only downside would seem to be the weather which has turned to sleet rather than the snow which is not what is required but I have decided that I am going to make the sledge regardless.

Operation Butters Homemade Chilli Powder

2010-01-05T15:10:00.011Z

I decided last night that I would spend a couple of hours round the lock up today even though I wasn't feeling exceptionally motivated for it. Part of this lack of motivation is down to it being bloody cold at the minute, part down to flogging myself for a dead horse prior to Christmas but I felt that I really should do something so the plan was to make a start on the rear speaker housings. Looking out of the window this morning to be greeted with the 2-3 inches of snow that had fallen overnight solved that problem though, any semblance of motivation was simply gone. There was no way that I was going to try and get pROJECT mAYHEM down the hill let alone start making speaker housings for it in a freezing cold shed today.

So, with the original plan for the day gone to the wall I decided that I would put Operation Butters Homemade Chilli Powder into action instead. This is an idea that I have been toying with for a while now and suitably armed with two different recipes as a starting point (here and here) I ordered the following:

Chile Ancho
Chile New Mexico Red
Chile Chipotle
Chile De Arbol
Mexican Oregano
Hot Smoked Paprika

The plan is to use the first of the two recipes as the base but I will definitely be adding Chipotle as suggested because it adds such an awesome flavour to a Chile - real big depth as well as heat. I will also add a little Hot Smoked Paprika and maybe some Cinnamon or Allspice (Pimento) to the mix and see where we go from there.

Sure as hell beats freezing I reckon.

First Post of 2010

2010-01-03T10:56:00.004Z

A new year, a new decade, a new crag and a whole lot of new problems to go and do.

After drinking far too much champagne and wine on New Years Eve, the Dear Boy Philip and myself went to Almscliff with the intention of doing something. Quite what that something was we weren't sure but upon arrival it transpired that it largely consisted of hanging around the Demon Wall area drinking "corrected" coffee, trying not to freeze to death and every now and then pulling on a pair of climbing shoes. A day of low achievement it has to be said but a pleasant day out regardless.

Inspired by our visit we proceeded to have a few more drinks that evening and planned a return the following day with a vague idea of what we would attempt. The lack of any wind was noticeable compared to the day before but there was also a degree of moisture in the air making the holds a bit less than perfect which was a pity. In the end we tried a few things, looked at some more things and even climbed some things and following my two visits I have got a tick list of sorts to go at now:

Matterhorn Ridge (4+)
The Crucifix (5)
Pork Chop Slab (5)
Morrell's Wall (6a)
Crucifix Arête (6a)
Flying Arête (6a+)

Of the above I have tried Matterhorn Ridge (backed off due to snow\ice) Morrell's Wall (I can do the hard move pulling up to the crimp so it should go soon) and Flying Arête (can see it going with a bit more work) and the rest are yet to be tried. Add all of the other problems up to 6a+ into the mix and it is enough to keep me syked for Almscliff for a month or two as yet.

As if two good days at the crag weren't enough I spent last night in The Sheaf playing crib with Lord Sloper of Grindleford and taking a fair chunk of change off him in the process. Unfortunately he didn't have to break a note so it wasn't quite as one sided as the infamous trip to Ireland but it does give me ammunition to use every time said Ireland trip gets mentioned in the future which will do nicely.

All in all a good start to the New Year and long may it continue.

Last post for 2009

2009-12-31T18:58:00.005Z

Christmas has been and gone and now we are a mere four hours and twenty minutes from 2010 and so the question is what does the new year have in store?

The primary objective is to get pROJECT mAYHEM finished off. In my last post I mentioned that there was a surplus of bass in the sound system and there still is but I have since discovered that it is only the two 6.5" speakers that are causing the huge amount of bass - the sub is not even working!! Now this just proves how frighteningly good the Infinity Kappa range of speakers are really but as usual I digress. I am guessing that the sub isn't working because either the wiring to the sub speaker is wrong or the amp is not working but regardless the amp is getting replaced. The simple reason for this is that I have inherited another amp which is not only bigger and better but I also know that it works and as an added bonus I have wiring instructions for it. Therefore the first jobs of 2010 will be to get to remove the bass\amp enclosure, swap out the amp, rewire both amps so the fuse box is on the outside where it will be a lot easier to access, run in a new earth wire, set the high pass filters on the working amp and then start what is likely to be a rather extended play with settings to get the sound right. After that it will be getting the rear speaker enclosures built and wired in and then play with the settings some more no doubt! Nothing like an easy start to the year eh?

After that... to be honest the above is enough to think about for now so in short get that lot sorted and all the rest that needs doing by the end of April and then the trad season starts...

Anyway here's to climbing like a punter and more importantly getting off the hill to a pub which awaits us with a pint of fine ale. Once there we shall revise the day till we finally sound heroic (to non-climbers at least)!! Happy New Year.

More bass than you can shake a stick at...

2009-12-24T17:28:00.004Z

For the last couple of days I have been wondering why the sound system in pROJECT mAYHEM has been producing such a huge amount of bass and today I figured it out. Somebody (who coincidentally might be the author of this blog) forgot to set the High Pass Filters on the main amp and so I have one 10" sub and two 6.5" speakers all pushing out sound below 80hz instead of just the 10" sub which is how it is meant to be running. I am a bit annoyed at myself for such a dumb mistake but at least I have finally figured the problem out as it was confusing me quite a lot to be honest. Still it provides a much needed excuse to stay out of the pub for a couple of hours over Christmas and while I am fixing that I can sort out the earth lead problem at the same time I suppose. In fact it's almost a win-win situation...

The Final Push II

2009-12-23T00:18:00.002Z

Well the list of five minute jobs turned into a list of five minute jobs, a lot of lost skin trying to get the head unit to fit back into its hole with all the extra cables that are now running out of the back of it and a major panic when I powered everything up and no sound was forthcoming! The problem was eventually traced to the earth cable having come detached from its terminal so that is probably going to have to be rectified next year but for now it can wait.

In summary everything I set myself to get done by Christmas is complete - even the lock up got swept out and all the tools got put away which was nice - it's been a bloody hard slog at times but it is all starting to come together.

The Final Push

2009-12-21T17:49:00.004Z

Today went rather swimmingly if I am honest - tweeters fitted in the dash, 6.5" speakers fitted in the doors, speaker cables run and wired up and it all worked first time! The only slight downer was the door card on the passenger side has not gone back on as it should but I can live with that for a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow will be finishing off the odds and sods (of which there is a very long list but they are all five minute jobs if that) take some photos for the random people who follow this blog to look at and maybe say nice things about and that will be it with regard to pROJECT mAYHEM for Christmas.

To say I am pleased as Punch would be an understatement on a massive scale - I am absolutely ecstatic about it.

Three good days...

2009-12-20T14:37:00.003Z

Thursday, Friday and Saturday marked the turning point on pROJECT mAYHEM - the van is now insulated, carpeted, panels fitted and lino on the floor. A few shots to give you the idea of what has happened in three days but I am pretty bloody pleased with what has been done so far - it makes the hard work I have put in so far seem worthwhile now.

One thing I haven't got any shots of is the amp\bass enclosure in place but that is in and wired up which required grovelling about under the van in the freezing cold today to run the power cable. As it stands currently the passenger side seat has been taken out so that I could run the RCA cables in yesterday, the passenger side door is in bits and if it ever stops snowing the replacement speaker will get fitted in there and the tweeter in the dash. Once that has been done then it is the "simple" task of running in the speaker cables, putting the door back together, channelling out a run for the power cables and then bolting in the seat before doing the speakers on the drivers side.

I think it's fair to say that tomorrow is going to be a busy day and just to add a bit of interest there is also the small matter of not buying a single Christmas present yet and I am also working nights from tomorrow night.

Texts from last night

2009-12-14T10:28:00.003Z

Regardless of what goes wrong in your life there is always Texts From Last Night which provides insights into a world that is even more screwed than mine. It also has the added advantage that it's cheaper than buying a copy of The Sun just to read the problem page...

I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation

so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name

He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...

Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine

Oh and I threw up on myself...

Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon

Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

Making progress

2009-12-09T18:49:00.003Z

All of the panels have now been carpeted and so tomorrows job (and likely Friday as well) is to apply the under-carpet to the passenger side and side door and then fit them. The rear doors will have to wait to get the under-carpet applied as I don't have enough to do those at the minute but it will hopefully be a reasonably straight forward job compared to the sides. Really impressed with the carpet that I got from MegaVanMats I must say - the stuff will stretch for miles - just apply heat with a hair dryer and and it is possible to do the sides and cover the wheel arch without cutting a thing. The result I got on the drivers side (once I got how to do the job figured out) was pretty good even by my exacting standards and would have been even better if I didn't have the floor base in place. I had removed the floor itself but had left the grid in place so couldn't get to the bottom as nicely as I wanted but I will just console myself with the fact that nobody will see the couple of wrinkles that are there once I put the floor back.

It is amazing just how much difference the insulation and the under carpet make to road noise as well. Driving to Nottingham last weekend to see my brothers new baby the difference in noise levels from the carpeted side to the non-carpeted side was massive and the effect will only be increased with the carpeted panels going over the top of that.

To paraphrase the Alien tagline "In the van no one will hear you scream!"

Two steps forward, one step back.

2009-12-02T18:07:00.004Z

As ever the path of pROJECT mAYHEM never runs smooth - after finding myself woefully short of speaker cable I decided to get the insulation finished and proceeded to stick the roof insulation into the roof space. It was only when I had completed this and tried to put the roof panels back on that it became apparent that it was not going to be a success - the insulation just wanted to take up too much space and the end result was a roof lining that looked like a fat bird in Lycra. Roof lining out, insulation out and a trip to the local D.I.Y. centre to buy some silver backed roof insulation and a short while later the roof was done and looking tidy.

Next up was the speaker cable runs - the original intention was to mount the high and low mid range in the rear doors - something that seemed eminently feasible from my investigations into one of the rear doors. What I hadn't taken into account was the largest piece of metal since the invention of Christendom in the other door which forms the locking\dead bolt system - it is HUGE to the point where it fills about 75% of the lower half of the door!! Obviously no chance of getting a speaker in there let alone two so now I have to make up some speaker housings to fit these but if done right the end result should be a better solution. Also I won't have to run the speaker cables in through the doors now which saves me a few metres of cable and a fair degree of trauma so I can live with the set back.

Other than that I have got the two panels for the rear doors ready to carpet now (holes drilled and in the correct places first time) and hopefully tomorrow the rest of the panelling will get done ready to be put into place once the cable runs are finalised and the under carpet gets put into place.

It all sounds so simple...

Some Logical Progression

2009-11-30T17:21:00.003Z

Well I made a start on the things to do today but I am nowhere near there yet strangely enough. The plan to do the speaker cable runs hit a major flaw by not having enough speaker cable and we are not talking about any minor shortage here - I am somewhere in the region of fifty metres short!! I knew when I started that I was going to require a few more metres of cable but had guesstimated that I had enough to do the runs for the rear speakers. As it was I managed to run in two of the rear speakers and there is another four to do in the rear alone.

Other than that the roof lining is out, the bass\amp position has been marked and some insulation has gone in but things will have to be worked around again as it is now a matter of waiting for the extra speaker cable to turn up so that I can complete the speaker runs before I can finish off the insulation.

There is a reason to be (hopefully) cheerful today though as I think I have located the source of intermittent rattle that has plagued me for ages from the region of the drivers B pillar. As with the best of rattles it only starts at about 70mph and it has been driving me completely mad for ages so while I had the housing off the B pillar I had a root about and discovered this.

Hopefully there will be no more rattle now but if the rattle remains then a lot more than just the housing will end up getting removed to discover the source...

Logical Progression

2009-11-29T12:40:00.005Z

I surprised myself yesterday by being alive enough to do a bit of work on pROJECT mAYHEM. Usually nights out with Mr D turn into a drunken mess followed by a day of feeling far nearer to death than is good for any sane (or insane) human being. As it was a damn good night was had which culminated in getting home armed with a kebab that, for reasons I am unable to comprehend, had the salad replaced with chips and watching the legendary Johnny Cash on TV.

Anyway when I crawled from my pit (feeling positively chipper when compared to how I had expected to feel) I decided that I was going to finish off carpeting the supports for the bass bin and complete a couple of other jobs that needed doing. Overall it went well with a fair degree of making it up on the fly as usual when some great plan turned out to be a rubbish one instead but that is the story of pROJECT mAYHEM in a nutshell.

Today I am having a day off and tomorrow the fun begins again with figuring out where to fix the bass bin before stripping out the floor, panels and the roof lining, getting the insulation cut out and fixed into place followed by running in the speaker cables for the six speakers in the rear. That should be more than enough fun for the day and in theory the day after will be taken up with getting the ribs carpeted out and maybe start on the panel work. I must admit that I am slightly dubious about the panel work bit at the minute but it will probably turn out to be a lot less hassle than I am imagining it will be.

pROJECT mAYHEM Update V

2009-11-27T14:16:00.002Z

Just a couple of pictures of the carpeted bass bin and amp enclosure. I am really quite pleased about how things have turned out with this actually because even though it is square this tends to cause the odd problem in itself with folding in corners and getting them neat and the like. Anyway the whole thing is ready to bolt into place now and have the cables run through - just a matter of getting everything else ready to allow this to happen which, as ever, is a list about as long as my arm...

Quick moan update...

2009-11-26T16:56:00.005Z

Decided to ring VW Commercial in an effort to frighten myself and they quoted me a fairly reasonable £56.89 for the parts so I thought about it a bit and decided that it was no more expensive than any other option and a whole lot less stressful than driving about with no drivers mirror for a few days.

Before I went I checked everything over and it transpired that one of the parts had survived the impact which helped lift the mood somewhat - less cost = happier me! True to form though when it comes to pROJECT mAYHEM it turned out that I needed a third part which was more expensive than the part that had survived by about a fiver - I am so lucky sometimes!! Thought about it for all of about 3 seconds and then came to the conclusion that the stress of paying an extra fiver is bugger all when compared to driving about with no mirror so pROJECT mAYHEM has a nice new mirror now which I will remember to fold in religiously.

Quick moan...

2009-11-26T12:21:00.007Z

Went out to the van this morning only to discover that that the drivers side mirror housing and mirror were laying in the road. Who ever hit it (in a van almost certainly) was travelling at a fair pace to say the least as it has smashed the thing to bits. Now I have got to source the replacement trim and mirror from somewhere and the options are to either get a replacement unit including the stalk from a breakers or to buy all of the separate parts off eBay. Will check over in more detail what I need but I think it is all of the trim and the mirror that is required which is not going to be cheap or quick so the more obvious choice is a breakers.

Needless to say this has really brightened up my day but it might teach me to remember to fold the mirror in at nights!

We haz carpet!!

2009-11-25T00:29:00.003Z

On the second day of the twelve days of pROJECT mAYHEM my true love gave to me lots of lovely carpet to bedeck the beast with!

This could have potentially happened yesterday but I was following up a post from the VWT4 forum about templates for the side panels posted by a company in Sheffield (I refuse to mention their name as they are simply useless tossers). Searched out the company and drove over there in the pouring bloody rain only to find out that their definition of what a template is radically differs to what the rest of the world defines as a template. In a nutshell their version of a template is for me to buy some of their pre-made panels, an "idea" which simply got the big old fuck off and the end of any chance they had of seeing any money out of me. Don't get me wrong - the T4\T5 scene is competitive and there are a lot of people out there doing their own thing and making a living off it but I really dislike getting dragged across Sheffield on a wild goose chase. If you have templates then say you have templates but don't get me to lose a precious day fucking about please. All you have earned is a firm recommendation that you are a bunch of useless fools.

Today was the exact opposite - drove up to Leeds to see Mega Van Mats and you could not wish for better service - just a guy and his other half(?) operating out of Pudsey at the back of an industrial estate but the service was, beyond all doubt, exceptional. Talked through what I wanted to do and gave me a load of tips on how to do it and was just a pleasure to deal with. The only complaint (not that it warrants such a word) was that he didn't have the colour of mat that I wanted but he told me this over the phone prior to me setting off so it was no big shock - I just ended up with a slightly lighter blue than originally intended - big deal!! In summary A**** - fantastic guy - highly recommended - would deal with again!

Anyway now I have the task of starting the carpeting and things start to ramp up in intensity - no more creating stuff in the shed in preparation any more. Tomorrow the bass bin\amp enclosure gets clad and once I have figured out how to do that the serious work of all the steel work that will remain on show gets under way followed by final fitting of the panels prior to getting those in.

Eek and double eek!!

pROJECT mAYHEM Update XVI

2009-11-22T14:05:00.003Z

Just over four hours left at work now and then the fun begins - well it will begin tomorrow really when I start the first of my 12 days off and go and buy the carpet, glue and other random stuff that is required to get pROJECT mAYHEM to the next stage. I have already spent what seems like a small fortune on nuts, bolts, screw rivets and other assorted stuff off eBay but I am rather syked for this stage as I will be able see what I have done for a change. Hopefully by the end of the week I will be able to post up some pics of a fully carpeted out van with panels in place and all the rest and the start of the kicking sound system in place as well. Getting the sound system in is probably going to prove fun as I am not only replacing but also rewiring all of the speakers and on top of that there are the three RCA cables will have got to be ran to the two amps. All in all it is likely to be an interesting few days given the route of choice for the cables is likely to be over the drivers door (and maybe the passengers door for the other side) to the dash and doors. Still the prospect of no more distortion when the bass gets phat is something that has to be considered a good thing!

Uncle Butters

2009-11-21T10:31:00.003Z

Late last night I became Uncle Butters - for those of you who might be interested in such things it was a baby girl weighing in at 6lb 9oz - no name as yet.

*UPDATE* The name chosen for the baby is Esmay apparently - nice name and not especially common either as far as I know which is always good.